Smudging my page.

Settling in

Feeling this vibe as it rises within

Mama’s tired but I’ve been hustlin

Letting it come and letting it go

Trusting myself, I’m in the flow

Asking for miracles every morning

Forgiving the switch ups without warning

I’m growing, evolving, I’m doing my healing

I’m stronger, I’m clearer, I’m down with the feelings

I know what I bring to the table

I’m willing

I’m ready

I’m able

I’m a queen, in my house, on my own

Can’t impress me, I love being alone

Rest periods intertwining with grinding

The Universe makes sure I’m consistently rising

And so it is.✨

I’ve been working on another layer of healing lately. Learning to really practice what I preach and drop into the body. We live in a disconnected society and often spend so much of our time abusing and belittling our bodies instead of bathing them in gratitude and love – and we are programmed to do so from a young age. I remember raising an eyebrow when I first heard this term. I mean, I was aware of meditation, breathing, and checking in to see how my body felt, but I had never gone deeper, not yet.

Now is the season of reclamation. Awaken. Plug into your inner knowing, there is no need to seek answers anywhere but within. You may have spent years buried by the conditioning of your parents, your society, your religion, your relationships, but those layers can be removed and your core, brightest self, is waiting for you patiently. Lovingly.

Drop into the body.

Get quiet. Be still. Feel into your belly, your womb space, your pussy. Remove judgement, focus.

Listen now. Just listen to the stillness.

Be aware of the thoughts that drift in and out of your mind, allowing them to pass by without any attachment.

Ask your body what a yes feels like. Today, a yes felt like a tingling in my womb area, leading down into my yoni, while a no felt like a little tightening in my lower back.

I sat still in meditation; being present in this moment, focusing on my breath.

In. Hold…
And out.

Then I began to

ask.

Yes and no questions. Prodding my soul for answers, asking about timelines, situations, relationships, life…

My body firing answers back and forth within me; the energy danced from point to point as I planted deeper roots into my own truth. When I was finished, I thanked my sacred body for being a channel to my highest self, as I felt a warm feeling of love and gratitude surround her. This energy, this wisdom, this truth – my truth. These gifts are always available to me any time I desire or need them.

This magic is available to you as well, my queens. Your intuition, your love, your emotions are your super power.

All we have to do is slow down. Start with meditation, begin to hone in and be present in your body, tune into your feelings, into your heart. Journal, wrangle the thoughts that are running wild in your mind. Put them on paper, organize your goals, visualize where you want to go, who you want to grow into, what you need to work on, be honest with yourself, embrace your shadows and your light. Where are your energetic leaks? Who makes you feel good? Who makes you feel depleted? Take notice.

Improve, baby. It’s all you.

I love you.

Hi, my name is Aura Lillian Joan and my sacral chakra is out of balance.

I have difficulty playing.

Sometimes I have a hard time experiencing pleasure and it’s something I’m really working on right now.

And sometimes I struggle with slowing down and being present.

The sacral chakra is your pleasure center; creativity and play, sensuality and beauty reside here. I’ve realized my sacral has been majorly out of balance for a long time. I forgot how to play, I felt insecure and sat on the side lines for such a long time. I struggled with relaxing so much that I couldn’t dance in the kitchen or jump in the pool with my kids. I was so overwhelmed with the concept that I had to be adult, perfect, polished, and composed at all times that I squashed my pleasure center like a bug and my sacral was denied and eventually baby stepped my way to shut down entirely.

I’ve come a long way this year. I feel more loving towards myself now than I ever have before, I feel more ME, more at ease, sexier – even with these love handles. Shit, especially with these love handles😏, but there is still much work to be done!

2020 has been my year of survival and growth, and it hasn’t always been pretty.

I have learned that many times our physical ailments are tied to spiritual misalignments. I denied my sexuality for my whole life, I forgot how to enjoy myself, I tried to be something I wasn’t, I cringed at the thought of being who I actually am. I have endometriosis, I struggled with infertility for many years, I held onto extra weight, wrestled with depression and forgot myself time and time again.

I’m realizing now that if I balance my sacral and focus on spending more time in pleasure and creation, some of these ailments will realign in my life and things will get better. Part of this really starts with self acceptance, no more denial. No more cringing when I call myself a lesbian, no more turning off my pleasure center because being a woman in my sexual power makes things awkward at home with my male partner. No more hiding in fear, no more insecurity.

Ownership and love reside here now.

Last night I sent a text to my partner that said, “We’re having a Halloween party as a family when I get home.” I turned on a Monster Mash Halloween playlist on Spotify when I parked the car in the driveway, stuffed my phone in my pocket and walked in the house with music blaring, candy, costumes, and pizza. Ava and I threw a plastic table cloth on the kitchen table, I dumped three bags of candy in the middle of the table, and we dug out the pumpkin carving tools. Jamming to Halloween music with my belly dancing jingle jangles on my hips, we danced, we laughed, we created a memory.

This is the medicine I need. The medicine we all need. Presence, fun, laughter, pleasure.

Tonight I plan on a self love bath with rose quarts, Epsom salts, my rose quartz yoni egg, and candles. Tuning into myself. Followed by a sacred circle and ritual with my sisters to honor my ancestors on Samhain with this glorious full moon in Taurus.

How are you bringing play, pleasure, and creativity into your life today? What lights you up?

I strive to love myself as deeply and wholly as I love everyone else and I hope you do too. Here’s to pleasure and play and a balanced sacral chakra.

I love you to the full moon and back, my loves.

I’m shifting again. -pause for twerk celebration- Stop right now and join in, for science; get the stagnant energy out and get the good vibrations flowing! Feel it move through you, the energy is rising and falling, swirling around in the body. Shake it all up! This is your shakti, your life force energy, your ki, prana, kundalini, whatever you want to call it…it’s in you like a snow globe, shake it!

This is the embodiment that is calling to my soul today. I had another bit of a breakthrough yesterday. An epiphany. I’ve been calling myself a mindset and empowerment coach which umbrellas over so many things, but now I’m feeling called to step into the role of embodiment coach as well. I want to embody the things I teach; I want to dive in so much deeper than before. Come with me.

My soul has been receiving a loud and clear call from my inner wild woman and for a while, I thought that was just a yearning for freedom and adventure, but what if we learned that we could tap into freedom and wildness within?

Hey Aura, you can fulfill this primal need within you. Stop feeling so restless. Tap into gratitude, okay? You’ve been a hermit in the mountains for long enough.

I’m experiencing a layer of ego death. While driving in the car with Ava last night, I talked about losing friends and how we are witnessing a “sorting” happening in history right now. Those that are awake and those that are asleep. One side stays in stagnation, repeating old patterns, getting wrapped up in negativity, limited beliefs and perspectives, and the other side twerks their butt off. Jk, but only a little.

I have realized that my journey is super strange if you’re on the outside looking in and I’ve also realized that I’m so comfortable with that, because my shift is literally not even about me at all. I have noticed that some people in my life are pulling back and that it’s surprisingly feeling so easy and comfortable for me to let those go, because what is meant for you cannot pass you and sometimes releasing old relationships that no longer serve your personal growth and vibration is a blessing. Drop the dead weight. I do not mean this in any way to sound callous, but if you are surrounding yourself with people that don’t vibe on your level, they are affecting your energetic field in one way or the other – they either uplift you or bring you down. I have spent my whole life trying to elevate people that were draining me of all my energy, now I’m patching up the leaks. I choose to grow and to surround myself with people that are also striving towards that growth mindset, and building this community my heart has always yearned for is like breathing fresh crisp air in the mountains for the first time.

A friend once told me how she was tired of getting to know people better, because it was always such a letdown. This is sad, but I totally feel it. I experienced a situation where I was feeling incredibly suspicious about someone; I easily tune into peoples’ intentions and emotional levels, so it’s easy for me to get a read on people. For a long time I diminished my own knowing, but now I unapologetically lean into it stronger than ever before. This is a blessing and a curse, because if I really want to jive with someone, I feel disappointed when I discover they’re not exactly who they appear to be, as none of us likely are at times – we’re all messy in our own ways. But then I realized that person was a mirror; I was feeling like they were fake, because I had been living under a façade my whole life in one way or the other. I was triggered by their ego, because my ego was still in full effect! I wanted credit for my growth, I wanted credit for how woke I was (lmao, I know), I disassociated from the fact that I craved to be the best, the most beautiful, the most talented, the most hospitable, the nicest, the coolest. Jeez, just writing that makes my stomach flip because that is so skeevy…yet so human. I was annoyed by how much this person would show up gunning for glory, because I was silently doing the exact same damn thing. I realized they were that way because of their own traumas and past, much like my own. They were trying to fake it ‘til they made it, just like I used to do for so long. I had a giant gapping hole in my heart and I was trying to fill it with outside validation, because I hadn’t learned how to complete myself yet.
The ego must die. It is in no way my place to judge someone else on their own journey, because it has nothing to do with me, and we are all equally flawed and have room for growth always. I appreciate the lesson I learned from that experience and I wish that person so much peace, love, and fulfillment – from a distance. It’s okay to distance yourself from people that don’t help you grow. Your energetic field is real and it’s your right to protect it. Love them from a distance if that serves you.

Here’s the thing. It’s so easy to sit in our homes, judging the heck out of everyone else, but for what? When my toddler starts being the little wild baby that she is, I notice the judgement that may be sent my way and I deflect it right back to where it belongs, because that has nothing to do with me or my wild child and I know my parenting cannot be summed up in a 2 minute observation, lol. I have nothing to prove to anyone and I do not vie for approval anymore. It’s so freeing. It’s also an ebb and flow, some days I may feel solid and grounded AF, while other days I realize I’m human AF and need to release the resentment and defensiveness that comes up in my body, allowing it to move through me. I cannot express this enough, when the feelings arise, move and release them fully. Don’t allow those feelings to take control or bring you down long term. You’re in control, my love.

The evolution of self is such a beautiful thing. May we never look back on our lives and see that our views and thought processes have remained the same.

May we never look back on our lives and see that our views and thought processes have remained the same.

May we never look back on our lives and see that our views and thought processes have remained the same.

To some, I may look like a hippie dippie girl in the burbs, lost in the woo woo, and in her own little world. But the truth of the matter is, I’m found in the vastness of consciousness and possibility. I do not question my intuition anymore, it is stronger than ever and I will always follow and believe it over anything else. Finally. Finally, I’ve learned how to trust myself and recognize my own power, as we all can if we allow ourselves to surrender to our knowing. When another layer comes up for me to work on and heal, because there is always room to up-level and improve, I will work on that one too.

We’re so multifaceted and in such beautiful, diverse, and amazing stages of our lives that are so different from everyone else’s. I needed to realize that I’m an old soul, but not everyone is and that’s normal, beautiful, and perfectly okay. Feeling judgy about being more woke than someone else is truly just as absurd as an adult getting angry at a baby for not understanding English. I want to come at life with a general understanding that we are all in such different places and it’s not my duty to control anything but myself and my own development.

When I consider my inner wild woman, she is uninhibited by the judgment from others she knows have no say over her life. She is sovereign. She discards scarcity, societal programming, religious dogma, and limiting beliefs. My inner wolf howls to the moon and calls to her pack, she does not lose sleep over the opinions of sheep. My wolf is calling to be set free and she calls to those that are like her; to you perhaps.
Join me, reach out, let’s connect, let’s be friends. Let’s talk about the moon, intuition, human design, sex magic, manifestation, witches, priestesses, shamanism, astrology beyond silly horoscopes, aliens, mushrooms, spirits and deities, let’s talk about your heartbreaks, your struggles, your desires, your shadows, let’s go deep. Let’s gather around a fire and howl at the moon.

If you’re my people, you know who you are.

And I love you.

My two-year-old found a long pink tube of bubbles today. Delighted, she brought them to me, looking up at me with her big blue eyes,
“Bubbles!!” she squealed.
I unscrewed the cap and began blowing bubbles in the middle of my kitchen. She danced around in delight as she chased them, captivated by the glistening rainbows before they met their demise as she swiped at them with her perfect little hands.

This is when I noticed something interesting; she would fixate on one or two as they drew closer to the floor, eventually getting on her hands and knees to examine them closely, all while about 40 bubbles floated above and behind her. When I’d try to catch her attention to get her to look at them, she was too sidetracked. Baby girl would soon cry out over the two that popped on the floor, face twisting up, probably followed by an adorably and equally appalling toddler uttered f-bomb, but by the time she would turn back around, the others had already fallen and popped themselves.

We do this all the time. We chase “bubbles” and become so fixated on one thing that we end up missing opportunity elsewhere, and you know what? I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to waste any more time allowing something trivial to consume my attention when there are bigger and more important things going on literally everywhere else around me.

Right here, right now: I choose to make conscious efforts not to become too preoccupied to notice the magic all around me, simply because I’m chasing one or two mediocre bubbles that are falling flat at my feet.

Perspective is a wild notion. Everything we perceive is through a filter created by our conditioning and past experiences. When perspective begins to shift, we see the same thing we’ve always seen, only now with so much more clarity and depth.

I sat in the stands of a Lizzo concert with my oldest daughter; shortly after I’d begun working through another intense layer of my spiritual awakening; this layer was titled, “Self-Love” and it was a long time coming. As I listened to Lizzo’s words, the queen of confidence and body love, I felt them rush through my heart and pump into my entire body. I felt her words more deeply than I had ever taken the time to previously grasp before. When I heard her speak, I finally understood her magical sense of self-love and I felt that love sink even deeper into my own body than I knew was imaginable. This was the liberation of reframed perspective. This was the liberation of not being defined by anyone else but yourself, not simply bending to the ways of how you’re told to think, this is what it felt like to choose you and to love every exhilarating minute of it.

I’ve spent a lot of my life with a crap perspective, we all do at one point or the other. I remember going to the grocery store with the most deterring energy that I could muster, and believe me, it was a lot of bad energy. I was so miserable, I walked around like a black hole – willing to take anyone down that got close enough, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I would side-eye any man that would even consider approaching me in public, and I even scowled and turned my head away from the cute baby in the check out line in front of me. I was straight up not having a good time, guys. When I got back to my car, I saw my reflection in the driver’s side window and my shirt said, “Good Vibes”. I was literally a walking oxymoron. I was so focused on my own crap attitude that I projected that bad energy onto everyone else around me, while also looking like a total fraud. I was a total fraud. I was engrossed in the tiny circles of two popped bubbles that had landed on the floor at my feet.

There is a sense of beauty and freedom in backing off and looking at life from a bigger perspective. We will always learn more when we stop, collaborate, and listen. Ha, yep. But really, there is wisdom to be found everywhere and we don’t know everything. Keep your head up, baby.

I love you, always.