Smudging my page.

Settling in

Feeling this vibe as it rises within

Mama’s tired but I’ve been hustlin

Letting it come and letting it go

Trusting myself, I’m in the flow

Asking for miracles every morning

Forgiving the switch ups without warning

I’m growing, evolving, I’m doing my healing

I’m stronger, I’m clearer, I’m down with the feelings

I know what I bring to the table

I’m willing

I’m ready

I’m able

I’m a queen, in my house, on my own

Can’t impress me, I love being alone

Rest periods intertwining with grinding

The Universe makes sure I’m consistently rising

And so it is.✨

Trigger Warning: Self harm, suicide, abuse.

I didn’t expect the feelings I felt as I watched this old tattoo on my wrist disappear…

I felt a little choked up.

I felt a little freedom.

Release.

I felt ready to move forward.

I also felt sad as old memories flooded me, I found myself reaching back to comfort those past versions of myself as they crumbled in my memories, each in such different phases of life.

“Thank you for getting me here. We’re good. We made it through. We’re so strong. I love you.”

On the surface, this was just one of my earliest tattoos that wasn’t very good, the French lettering was spelled wrong, but the intention of the original tattoo was, “Let Go.”

Before I got this tattoo, a phone call interrupted one of my self harm sessions. I was sitting on the floor flirting with the idea of going deeper.

So tired of pretending.

So tired of shape shifting.

I felt so caged.

I was born and raised to be fearful and my fear of death held me in check. This practice helped me find a release in a world where I had to keep every natural thing about myself on lock, unless they were considered “acceptable” behavior or “proper” feelings.

– Shut it down unless it’s nice –

We’ve all felt this.

When that call came through, I received the news that my friend had felt the same, only he escaped this life. After he passed away, I vowed to myself to stop self harming. I got this tattoo and kept that promise to myself for several years…

During the worst year of my life, I found myself sitting on the floor in the kitchen. Hardly able to see through blurry tears, holding a shard of glass from my broken coffee pot after it had been smashed. I felt empty, hopeless, and like I could never recover or reclaim my life as my own. I felt entirely out of control, I felt owned by an abusive partner. I started to dig the glass into my wrist and push deeper when Ava’s face popped into my mind. Things were always the worst whenever she was away at her dad’s. “Thank goodness.” I contemplated that she would be safe and taken care of and I kept pushing and slashing the glass deeper still; scaring my tattoo and breaking my early promise to myself. This broken promise was interrupted by accusations that I was just being dramatic and mockery for, “doing it wrong.”

When I look back at the girl, lost and alone on both occasions; I remember her hopelessness, I feel her pain, and I remember what it felt like to be powerless.

I do not feel powerless today. I do not feel caged, I feel free.

I feel liberated by the closing of that chapter in my life. I know who I am, where I’m going, and who’s on my team. Every struggle is a metamorphosis for something.

And I’m starting to realize that I can fucking fly.

So can you.

You are writing your own story, if you’re not happy with the way things are, how can you change it? What needs to be burned to the ground? What quenches your thirst for life? What feeds your soul? Get clear on the things that drain you and the things that save you. You’re not here to people please and be nice all the time. We’ve all had to simply survive at one point or the other; but we can build, we can heal, we can elevate, and we can grow.

Grow with me. If you’d like to dive deeper, contact me! I have 1:1 coaching client spaces available, as well as my soul sister workshop; Vintage Wild Soul, a causal place to find and create epic support within a safe space.

I love you so much.

I want to speak to the hearts of those that crave to be seen and heard. I want to embrace the women that feel lost, empty, broken, and alone.

Because I feel that.
I’m her.
I have been her for my entire life.

This journey back home to myself is never ending. I heal, dig up old patterns, heal some more, revisit traumas, heal again, layer, after layer, after layer… I don’t speak eloquently like all of the other coaches and mentors. I don’t have the woke lingo down pat. I don’t always have the perfect words to spin into art to ease your aching spirit, but I love you with all of my heart and soul.

I see you. I feel you. I am you.

My intention is set. My motives are raw. I have been so broken, so lost, so far away from my true self at times that I understand what it’s like, I understand how it hurts. I have spent most of my life in self betrayal, trying to fit the molds created for other people, other bodies, other genders, other roles that were never meant for me. I’ve changed myself so many times through the years to gain approval. Trying to form fit into religions, relationships, friendships, jobs…just to be the “right” thing.

Enough.

I know how much it hurts to always give yourself away. To hand the reigns of your life over to others that don’t deserve to drive, or even know what’s best. Only I know that. Only YOU know that. We are the drivers of our lives, take back the control. Yes, we may lose some approval along the way, but nothing is more fulfilling than finding the approval of SELF.

Release the judgement towards yourself. Aura, are you listening? Release the judgement towards yourself. Life is full of ebbs and flows; we rise, we fall, we bloom in the spring, we go inward in the fall. This is our cyclical nature, be kind to yourself. We can’t run at max speed 100% of the time, we’re not wired that way. Go inward when getting the message loud and clear to do so. When wounded, go treat the infection. When feeling depleted, seek nourishment. When running ragged, take care of YOU.


This is what the journey back home to my true self looks like. It’s not all palo santo and clicking away at the keys of my computer as I write self-proclaimed philosophical musings, it’s not recording guided meditations, or doing yoga and clean eating. Sometimes it’s waking up feeling low, feeling insecure, not good enough. Sometimes it means getting to the nitty gritty, facing all the shit I try to hide from the world, facing my failures and then realizing that those feelings of defeat aren’t even failures at all, but leveling up opportunities. Take something from every stumble, learn from the pitfalls, be humble and continue building.


Today I choose to release the judgement. I choose to love myself even if I accomplish nothing and eat 4 churro cheesecake bars, even after the whole day passes and I haven’t spent any of my time in meditation, even when I feel bad for not responding to emails because I’m feeling depressed. I am human. I don’t only feel the light and fluffy emotions. I feel it all.

Today I choose not to be sorry for being human and I hope you can do the same, because we’re all in this together.


I love you.

Carving pumpkins is one of my favorite Halloween traditions. A festive art project. This year I decided to go in without a plan and to carve intuitively and the result was the Devine Feminine; rising from the flames. A goddess rising – as a Phoenix rises from the ashes.

This is the perfect representation of the feminine in today’s society. We are witnessing a mass sorting, as a collective many of us are waking up to our power. We’re discovering how messed up things have been for a long time. Witnessing the growth in myself as I watch old tv shows or movies, because old paradigms are being rewired in my mind. Change is in the air and I invite you to question the norms you’re presented with every day.

I am no longer driven by fear, I no longer fall to the lies that we should play small or diminish our greatness to appease people stuck in comparison, habits of self hate, or control. Society has been poisoned by patriarchy. A construct to control and divide, an unnatural hierarchy that was never intended. We are blessed with diversity and connection, yet white patriarchal mindsets have tried so hard to diminish our gifts, our intuition, our wisdom. Narcissists have told us we can’t trust our intuition and we have believed them for far too long.

I am the Devine Femme.

I am in my power.

I am in control of the direction my life takes,

I am the driver.

I am the creator.

I am coming from a place of victimization, wounds, hurts, limiting beliefs, and fear, but I am no longer defined by these things.

I no longer choose to abide by societal rules or fear mongering.

I will not betray my body or tear Her down.

I will not pretend to be weak or unhappy when I am strong and fierce in my power, my magic, my manifestations, my biz, my love for myself and those around me, I am a warrior woman with a desire to live authentically wild and free.

I am the wolf that howls at the moon.

I am a wild horse running free.

I am a wild cat in the mountains.

I know exactly who I am. I was incarnated to create, to speak, to sing, to scream. I am a wild force to be reckoned with and I will not apologize. I raise fierce daughters who will not fall for your tricks or your lies. My sisterhood is strong and unbreakable, we rally up behind one another and raise each other up as we thrive, achieve, win, and build. We celebrate each other’s wins, we hustle and we rest and one is no more acceptable than the other.

We are one, we collaborate, we don’t fall for the sisterhood wound, we do not play those games.

We channel goddess energy, priestess energy – my queens.

I honor my sacred body, I am not ashamed of my sensuality, it is my super power. I will not fall to the concepts that have demonized and diminished my magic to something so frivolous and surface level when I run deep, deep, deeper… No one holds ownership of my curves or my softness. I am sovereign.

I honor me.

I honor you.

I honor growth.

I honor healing.

I honor connection.

I honor feminine radiance.

I am the Phoenix. So are you, sister.

Rise with me.

I’m a certified frea…selfie enthusiast. 😏

I believe the assumptions that people only take selfies because they’re either insecure or full of themselves is, to be blunt, absolutely absurd. Let’s completely exterminate this toxic notion, shall we? Because that’s low vibe nonsense and we’re not doing that anymore. If you are triggered by others shining in their own radiance, I invite you to ask yourself why that is. And let me make this clear, I am not saying you must post selfies, do your makeup, or dress a certain way in order to feel empowered and love yourself, I am saying that empowerment looks different to everyone, live and let live, we are all so multi-faceted and unique and that’s the beauty of being human and divine.

Demonizing the notion that loving yourself and living as art is simply to seek outside approval, or else the extreme opposite in the shape of cocky, is so skewed. Why does a woman in her power make everyone so apprehensive? Why does it coax insecure men and woman out from the rocks they live underneath to spew negativity and low vibe energy? I have posted things to social media to receive judgement calls from people I never even speak to, why does my loving view of myself make people so uncomfortable? People have so much pain in their own hearts that they feel the need to break others down or talk badly behind their backs. Instead of slinging mud, do your own healing. You deserve it.

Women are taught to get caught in comparison, to look at each other as competitors, and the wounded masculine fears a woman that loves herself because she is much harder to control; they belittle her and call her insecure, they demonize her any way they can in attempts to knock her down and take her power away. And the worst part; it works more often than not. We shrink, at least I know I did for many years…

Now, I say hell TF no! Not. Any. More.

I’ve wasted enough of my life making myself smaller to ease the minds of people that are run by judgement and insecurities of their own. I send them love and wish them healing. I’m not here for any projections of feelings that don’t even belong to me. I love gassing up my clients, friends, and even strangers on the street; building them up. It feels good for them and it feels good for me.

We are a product of our conditioning. I know men don’t think they fear us, that may be deeper than they’re willing to go right now. When I began my current relationship, my partner would raise all kinds of hell over who I was until I lost all shine, I spent so much time trying not to rock the boat. He knew who I was when he met me, yet once he had me in his grasp and I lived states away from my home, possessiveness and jealousy began to rear their heads; years later, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Fully disconnected. Looking back, I know that’s not what he intended, he had his own trauma to work through, his own conditioning, and his own wounding that made him feel the way he felt and treat me the way he did. I’m not making excuses for him, but we all have so much healing to do. We must proceed with compassion towards the self and others. Witnessing him in his own growth through the years has been remarkable and we grow wiser every day, if we allow ourselves to and work for it.

My background is riddled with vast emotional abuse and it takes a lot to reclaim yourself when you find your mind and body in such a disempowered state. If this sounds like you, I am with you as you work through anxiety and fear. It takes so much willpower to reframe your life and rebuild, learning it’s safe to trust yourself again. I had to come back to center and relearn who I was. Unapologetic selfies are a tiny part of the giant puzzle, as simple as that may sound, but change is created when all of the simple steps accumulate into a lifestyle as you reform your mindset and invest into your mental wellbeing. My Libra moon loves beauty, I live as art all the time. I giggled to myself when I wrote that, because it’s still dark outside as I’ve been up working since 4am; I’m in a robe, rocking bead head, and I’m a hot ass mess, but there is still beauty to be found here and I love stepping into the zone of becoming my own muse. The notion is so sexy to me.

When Amanda mocks me for getting done up, posting selfies, glowing up in my feminine radiance, showing my body shape that I adore, wearing “fancy” clothes (this counts as literally anything besides jeans and a Cabela’s t-shirt), or putting effort into myself (things I may do for my own mental health and well-being); all she appears to feel is her own insecurities, she is caught in comparison, not because I look better than her, I don’t, but because she cannot allow herself to do the same, her mental limitations that she has built around herself holds her back in the shape of judgement and insecurity. We are mirrors for each other. I understand that now, but for a long time, I didn’t. Years ago, I knew an old friend that would post selfies every day; same angle, same expression, and I always had some snarky comment to make about it to my partner. That was a reflection bouncing back to me of how I felt about myself, it had nothing to do with my friend at all. Does Amanda need to feel threatened? Absolutely not! She is golden, beautiful, worthy, and breathtaking in her own way, each of us are so unique. It reminds me of a tulip comparing herself to a daffodil. But we humans are funny sometimes, we get stuck in a rut that we never anticipated falling into in the first place. I wish her love and self-acceptance. Peace.

My first love was always music, I would sing in the kitchen as a child, delighted as my voice bounced off the vaulted ceilings, and I’d tell everyone that asked, “I’m gonna be a singer when I grow up!” As I got older, I turned to photography and expressed my art in that way. Teenage me loved nothing more than slinging my old Minolta over my shoulder and taking a walk through the woods to capture close ups of water droplets on leaves and tree bark. Self-portraits were always exciting, because I never knew what I’d get until I developed my images myself in the dark room. When I got my first little point and shoot digital camera, I loved to capture myself in pictures and I was so proud of this one…

Oh my gosh, I know, right?

I never thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world, in fact, I always disliked my nose, but it was a fun way to express my art and I have always seen beauty in everything, myself included…until I learned I was “supposed” to pick myself apart instead of focusing on the things I loved.

As I got older, I began to catch on that we weren’t supposed to enjoy ourselves, it meant you were arrogant and nothing was uglier than that, right? Humility in my upbringing wasn’t the healthy kind; it was the make-yourself-small kind, the sell-yourself-short kind, the spread-yourself-thin kind… Such is the way so many of us have been raised. This is the old paradigm. We need to deconstruct and rebuild; we need to re-evaluate the concept of confidence and self-love and strip away all negative connotations and judgements. Much of society is living in a deprecated quality of life. Numbness, disconnection, desensitized by years of conditioning that taught us as young girls to hate our bodies, to compare ourselves to photoshopped models, to consume products to make ourselves acceptable, and to gain love and approval through sex. Swapping energetics with anyone and everyone until we are so disconnected from our own bodies that we can’t even decipher what energy is our own and what isn’t. We’ve become numb to the concept of true value and wholesome love, to ourselves and often towards each other as well. I find this especially true in western society; we live fast, with instant gratification everywhere, so much is fake, the love we think is real might turn out to be codependency, we filter our lives to only put the best foot forward, we smile when we want to scream, we water ourselves down and camouflage our uniqueness, even the food we eat is fake. Pitted against each other, ridiculous beauty standards and false body image presets of what we’re supposed to like, strive towards, and be attracted to, on top of assumptions that we should play small, as to not make anyone else too uncomfortable.

But.

We’re witnessing an amazing time in history unfold right now, it’s a mass deconstruction, the great realization, the age of Aquarius; people are shifting and changing, awakening. We’re learning more about the human mind, about energy, and more about our power – ancient wisdom that was lost and forgotten for a while. We’re changing the way we parent our kids; we’re learning how to reparent ourselves. It’s such a beautiful thing to witness the healing on a collective level.

Smash the patriarchy. Trash society’s hold over you. We are not property, objects, or toys to be displayed whenever other people deem it acceptable. We call our own shots now. Revel in your accomplishments, your wins, your beauty, your talents! Demolish the concept that you must put yourself down. Stop apologizing for existing. I see it all the time on social media; mass overshares of negative thoughts. Women post pictures and apologize for their lack of makeup, we feel the need to inform people ahead of time for not looking polished enough, for gaining weight, for being a mess. What if we just…stopped? What if we simply owned it?

A few years ago, I kept a note on my phone where I documented every single mean thought I had about myself. Yes, homes…you heard me. Every. Single. One. Anytime I’d notice some self-hate going on, I’d pull my phone out and write the time, what I was doing, and what the thought was. This sounds insane in the membrane, right?
“10:32 am, I took a picture with the baby and saw my thumb in the corner, so I deleted it because my thumbs are the ugliest, widest, shortest, and most embarrassing things ever.”
“10:35am, I saw my reflection in the toaster. I looked like Peter Griffin.”
“10:36am, I chewed a muffin and spit it in the trash, because I didn’t want to swallow the calories. I’m so fat.”
(more on eating disorders and body dysmorphia to come.)
“10:40am, I was sitting on the floor with the baby and when I stood up, my butt print in the carpet from my ass was SO WIDE!!!”

“10:42, I just spoke to the neighbor about running up the stairs on all fours like an animal, while letting the dogs out. Why am I so fling flang flung awkward?”
LOL. You get the point. These memos were so close together, by the end of the week it was massively eye opening to see how much I was putting myself down. As the days went by, I noticed my entries became further apart; instead of 20 entries in an hour, I had 10, and eventually I had 10 in a week, and eventually I had 10 in a month, and now…I don’t screw around with negative self talk. Sure, I can recognize when my hair is a mess, I still have days where it’s a struggle to love my body, but I don’t dwell or beat myself up and down for being human anymore. I live with more self-compassion and that’s vital, my love. You deserve to speak to yourself the same way you’d speak to your best friend. When my inner mean girl tries to get to me now, I just give that bitch a shutthefuckupcake and move on. =)

Loving yourself is cool. Celebrate yourself. Selfie everyday, you don’t have to share them to social media, but take them for yourself if that feels good to you. Honor your body, love her, hold her with compassion and gratitude. Curb the negative self talk, curb the critical judgements of others, curb the need to be like everyone else and own your magic, whatever that may look like.

Thanks for taking a peek inside my brain.

I love you so much.

I am the creator of my own existence. I hold all responsibility for my actions, reactions, and thoughts. My experiences are designed with or without care, I choose which. I am the designer, creator, healer, artist, dancer, officiant, and regulator.

Vision board and a mission, baby! All is as it should be.

I am expanding, I am growing, I am healing, I am building. I AM.

High on gratitude in this moment, soaking it all in, feeling warmed up from the inside out. I’m currently taking a writing workshop and today I’m learning all about publishing. Images of taking my artistic soul-food even further display themselves across my mind as this feeling of “It’s all already mine!!” crept into my heart center. Just rereading that last sentence sends vibrations through my chest. Manifestor energy! <– but more on that later!

Every single thought you have is laying the groundwork for what you perceive and experience in the future. Pause for a moment and reflect on the thoughts that drift in and out of your mind every day, those are only 5% of your total thoughts – as 95% are subconscious.

95%!

Your thoughts become things and your words are your wand. I know I say this all the time, but I don’t foresee that message ever not being important.

If 95% of our thoughts are subconscious, then that means 95% of unchecked thoughts are exactly what is predominantly creating our lives. Designing the things we will have, experience, do, say, and feel. Comprehending this is golden, because once we realized the gravity and the responsibility we must assume ownership of in order to be mindful; we can absolutely create the life we want, and the change we can create with our own mindset is invaluable. Indifference and ego may get in the way, but someday, whether in this life or the next, the time will come when people understand how mindfulness must leak into every area of our lives if we ever want to be truly self-aware and fulfilled.

We spend a lot of time talking about something we want, but often never sit down and make a plan of action. The doubters will say, “You didn’t manifest that, you just did the thing.” That’s fine, but this work goes hand in hand with mindful thoughts, mindful speak, and mindful ACTION. It’s a total recipe. The groundwork is programing your subconscious mind, and the results will be monumental.

I invite you now, to take an introspective look within;
What does your self-talk look like? What does your inner voice sound like?
What kind of things do you allow inside your mind? What thoughts do you allow yourself to have about others? What do you think about humans in general? Do you think the human race is generally good or evil? Now, what have your life experiences been like? Do they reflect your thoughts?
Do you live in lack and beliefs of scarcity? Does your bank account match those beliefs?
Do you hate on others? Do you hate on yourself?
Do you get envious of what other people have, feeding thoughts of lack? Do you feel stagnant and blocked in your life as a result?
Do you feel superior, or secretly think you know all the answers? Are you expanding in diversity, or have you stayed in the same zone for most of your life?

What we communicate with the Universe, we receive.
If I won’t shut up about how tired I am all the time, guess what? My focus is on exhaustion and I will be exhausted.
If I’m always complaining, I will always reap negativity.
If I focus on how much I hate something, all I’m going to do is become poisoned by that hatred. Believe me, I spent a lot of my life feeling resentment inside of my heart towards the past, feeling wounded and unable to let go. I had to redirect my thoughts.
If you demonize money and feel like you’re always broke and cringe every time you check your bank account, you’re sending messages to the Universe that you are stuck in scarcity and the Universe will allow you to stay there until you shift your mindset.
If I am on a strict diet and all I can think about is dessert and how much I hate my belly rolls, guess what? I’m going to obsess until I eat the cake and cry about the jeans that don’t fit me. Now, first and foremost, know where I stand – You deserve to eat the cake (maybe keep it to one piece instead of the whole thing, but who hasn’t been there lol), but your body also deserves for you to not punish her and diminish her, calling her names and belittling her every imperfection. Shift the perspective; instead of looking in the mirror and saying unkind things to yourself; hold her, tell your body that you love her, that you’re thankful for her, that she is healthy and capable. She will become healthier and more capable as you feed your soul with nurturing self-talk, because nurturing self-talk begins to reprogram the subconscious mind. As your perspective begins to shift, your habits will as well. You won’t feel the intense need to binge as a salve for how unhappy you are, you will gain pride from nurturing your body physically because you’ve started to nurture her mentally.

You get the point. Thoughts become things and this can be applied to every single area of your life.

I heard “Manifest Your Reality” for a long time before I ever actually took it seriously. It was something I could spout out to my 5-year-old, at the time, whenever she’d cop an attitude. I was communicating real wisdom and truth to her, but I didn’t see it fully myself. I still had a filter on, I wasn’t seeing the full potential, I wasn’t grasping the depth…

Because I wasn’t ready yet.

This filter that society and organized religion has placed over our eyes is SO POWERFUL. I get it, I feel it, I’ve fallen victim to it time and time again, but what you see at face value is never all there is. The depth we can reach within to see things from different slants is so amazing to me, because it shows how expansive the mind truly is. Dig deeper, there is always more below the surface to something than we may expect.

My great gramma used to say, “Cast your bread upon the waters and it will return to you.” She was a saint of a woman, a loving Christian I believe the real Mary Magdalene would have been proud of. I can write these words now with no animosity, despite my wounded Christian background, because I can see there is so much wisdom rooted in all religions and teachings, all different interpretations of the innate wisdom we hold within us. When I was a girl, I remember hearing my mother lovingly talk about my gramma, and how this phrase referred to generosity, but what would happen if we turned this generosity inwards and began to fuel our bodies with love? Anything you can imagine! –> Beyonce didn’t become Beyonce without a lot of positive self-talk and action, the same goes for you and me. Put in the work, reprogram your subconscious mind.

What you put out; you get back. What you invest in, returns. What you nurture, grows. And the same can be said for the opposite. If I’m not feeling loved, my love withers and I lose the energy to nurture where I’m not being nurtured in return. I remember my dad saying if two dogs get in a fight the one you feed is the one that wins, and such is the mind.

If you want to reprogram your subconscious mind; stalk your brain, pay attention, and redirect your thoughts towards success, goals, compassion, nurturing self-talk, and reprogram your thoughts with mindful redirection, I AM’s, affirmations, awareness, love, intentional living…you can do it.

If I can, you can. Together we rise.

What do you intuitively already know? What do you have the capacity for? Do you take the time to tune into your body and ask what it is trying to tell you? This was such a foreign concept to me when I began this journey. “What is your body telling you,” seemed like a hollow thing people were saying and I didn’t understand it. Again, I had my blinders on. I needed to slow down and get in touch with my body and develop an understanding of her that I hadn’t allowed myself to do before. I had to check in and feel what I was feeling on a cellular level. The world we live in has become so loud, busy, and flashy; we’ve become so disconnected from ourselves. When I learned how to tune into my body – a concept that I will always continue to hone in on for the rest of my life – going with the flow in certain areas became unbearable to me, because I was no longer desensitized to things that weren’t serving me. When my body would physically tense up, I knew something was off. It’s taken a lot of love and communication with myself to differentiate between anxiety and intuition. In a world where we are told we can’t trust ourselves (our intuitive gifts), all we’re left with is anxiety and it takes a lot of work to fine tune that understanding and cultivate trust within your body again. I have apologized and heard women apologize for their gut feelings and thoughts a million times over. How do we learn to stop dismissing our gifts? We must deconstruct all of the limiting beliefs that hold us back. Don’t diminish yourself or apologize for the way you feel, don’t minimize yourself the way other people have minimized you all your life. Do not assume ownership of someone else’s projections of insecurity and fear when they try to take you down with them. Have your own back. You deserve to trust yourself; you deserve to listen to your body and discover what the hell that even means. ❤

I AM’s help us to reframe and reprogram the subconscious mind. I AM’s help us rebuild. Here are a few I AM’s to help you redirect your mindset. Try these whenever you think of it; in the car, in the shower, while washing dishes, on your morning run, it doesn’t matter. Sneak them in any chance you can and create your own as well. These are simply a few of my regulars:

I AM open to receive. – Guidance, abundance, blessings, healing, personal growth, love, self-love, money, happiness. Never turn down a gift. When we deny the offers of others, we are communicating with the Universe that we are not open to receive, creating lack. If you want abundance in your life, call it in and level it up with immense gratitude.

I AM enough. I AM worthy. I AM whole. – I know having a romantic partner to complete us has been totally romanticized, as is doubting ourselves, looking outside of ourselves for validation, or religious shame that has been perpetuated to make you think you need an outside source to save you from yourself, but you have been taught to feel this way by a paradigm that was not formed in your best interest. You are enough, you are divinity in form, you are raw magic. Don’t let any false beliefs, that don’t even truly belong to you, rule your mindset. You complete yourself, you are trustworthy, and once we realize this as a whole, there will be much less broken people flinging their damage all over the place furthering even more damage. Instead, we might show up whole and complete with healthy mindsets of what we deserve, how we deserve to be treated, and how others deserve to be treated by us. We will operate with love, understanding, compassion, and empathy instead of judgement and resentment or martyr syndrome.

I AM healing. I AM safe. – We all have healing to do from past traumas and experiences and no one’s pain invalidates your own. Program your subconscious mind to release resentment and bitterness towards anyone that has hurt you in the past, so you can move forward. This is not about anyone else but you. You live in your head, no one else. This is your story, your experience, your life – reclaim it!

I AM ever-evolving and expanding. – This is one of my favorites. I fell into atheism for a while in my late teens/early 20’s. Abandonment and bitterness led me into a radical pendulum swing from religion and chased me into the arms of atheism. Quite literally, I found myself eloping with a stranger on a Monday afternoon, he was an atheist and while I had been so used to looking outside of myself for answers from my religious upbringing, I carried that right into this relationship. I adopted arrogance in atheism, I assumed my partner’s beliefs as my own, and I closed my mind off entirely to everything. Close mindedness is a slippery slope, because once we assume we know everything, our learning completely halts. Now, in my 30’s, I strive to be a learner for the rest of my days. I’ll probably still be layering on new certifications in my 90’s and I wouldn’t have it any other way, because I adore learning. The deeper I go, the more my mind is blown by new facets I have yet to explore. Feed your yearning for exploration in knowledge just as much as in traveling the world!

I AM mindful and self-aware. – This really ties in to the latter. Personal development and awakening is deep integration of the new things we’re learning. Self-awareness has everything to do with this, because dissecting our behaviours and our WHY’s helps us understand how to better move forward. Do your shadow work; own every aspect of yourself, shift the things that need attention and sharpen your awareness.
The other night we were saying goodnight to my oldest daughter. We have a secret handshake that we do every single night (I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom 😉), but it’s easy to get caught up and feel impatient at times when you’re tired and ready to enjoy your kid-free time at night, am I right? She was stalling and playing around, so my partner got fed up and walked out with a short, “My time is valuable. Goodnight.” I started to explain to her that she needs to be self-aware of wasting people’s time and yadda yadda, when I realized something key. She needed that attention, she was stalling and playing around, because we’ve been crazy busy and haven’t been as attentive as she needed us to be. I needed to be self-aware here, not her. She was communicating her needs clearly, kids always do, because they don’t have the filters or layers of conditioning piled on yet. My partner came back and they hugged it out and she went to bed on a good note. Kids are so open and forgiving.
I choose to do better, even if it means waking up at 4am to knock out my work ahead of time so I can be more present. I must do whatever it takes to improve. Getting up at 4am most certainly is NOT my norm, but I did it today and I feel really proud of it, lol.

Keep up the good work, my loves. You are growing, expanding, and ever-changing. You are reprogramming your subconscious mind.

I love you.

My two-year-old found a long pink tube of bubbles today. Delighted, she brought them to me, looking up at me with her big blue eyes,
“Bubbles!!” she squealed.
I unscrewed the cap and began blowing bubbles in the middle of my kitchen. She danced around in delight as she chased them, captivated by the glistening rainbows before they met their demise as she swiped at them with her perfect little hands.

This is when I noticed something interesting; she would fixate on one or two as they drew closer to the floor, eventually getting on her hands and knees to examine them closely, all while about 40 bubbles floated above and behind her. When I’d try to catch her attention to get her to look at them, she was too sidetracked. Baby girl would soon cry out over the two that popped on the floor, face twisting up, probably followed by an adorably and equally appalling toddler uttered f-bomb, but by the time she would turn back around, the others had already fallen and popped themselves.

We do this all the time. We chase “bubbles” and become so fixated on one thing that we end up missing opportunity elsewhere, and you know what? I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to waste any more time allowing something trivial to consume my attention when there are bigger and more important things going on literally everywhere else around me.

Right here, right now: I choose to make conscious efforts not to become too preoccupied to notice the magic all around me, simply because I’m chasing one or two mediocre bubbles that are falling flat at my feet.

Perspective is a wild notion. Everything we perceive is through a filter created by our conditioning and past experiences. When perspective begins to shift, we see the same thing we’ve always seen, only now with so much more clarity and depth.

I sat in the stands of a Lizzo concert with my oldest daughter; shortly after I’d begun working through another intense layer of my spiritual awakening; this layer was titled, “Self-Love” and it was a long time coming. As I listened to Lizzo’s words, the queen of confidence and body love, I felt them rush through my heart and pump into my entire body. I felt her words more deeply than I had ever taken the time to previously grasp before. When I heard her speak, I finally understood her magical sense of self-love and I felt that love sink even deeper into my own body than I knew was imaginable. This was the liberation of reframed perspective. This was the liberation of not being defined by anyone else but yourself, not simply bending to the ways of how you’re told to think, this is what it felt like to choose you and to love every exhilarating minute of it.

I’ve spent a lot of my life with a crap perspective, we all do at one point or the other. I remember going to the grocery store with the most deterring energy that I could muster, and believe me, it was a lot of bad energy. I was so miserable, I walked around like a black hole – willing to take anyone down that got close enough, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I would side-eye any man that would even consider approaching me in public, and I even scowled and turned my head away from the cute baby in the check out line in front of me. I was straight up not having a good time, guys. When I got back to my car, I saw my reflection in the driver’s side window and my shirt said, “Good Vibes”. I was literally a walking oxymoron. I was so focused on my own crap attitude that I projected that bad energy onto everyone else around me, while also looking like a total fraud. I was a total fraud. I was engrossed in the tiny circles of two popped bubbles that had landed on the floor at my feet.

There is a sense of beauty and freedom in backing off and looking at life from a bigger perspective. We will always learn more when we stop, collaborate, and listen. Ha, yep. But really, there is wisdom to be found everywhere and we don’t know everything. Keep your head up, baby.

I love you, always.

There’s a lot of doubt that arises when I discuss the Higher Self with the skeptics and sometimes, I get frustrated by the atheist energy in the air. Ha, I know, I know…if you know my story, you’ll recognize the irony in that – coming from an ex wounded AF girl that used to claim atheism out of fear, hurt, and a lack of direction.
I ran away as fast as I could from organized religion that I landed straight into the arms of jaded rejection of literally EVERYTHING. I even denied the concept of ghosts or spirits, even after experiencing strange phenomenons for many years. It took me a long time to soften to the notion of more and it took me even longer to heal and realize that spirituality and religion are not the same thing.
Spirituality is found within; your inner knowing, your truth, connection, your higher self. I get so excited and I want to share what I’ve been tapping into, but I realize that what is key in my current journey is not for everyone and not everyone is ready to talk about it.

This has been an intense year of manifestation for me, but when filters are applied, it’s hard for others to recognize – and that’s totally okay! We all perceive the world through our own filters. That’s their journey and this is mine. One big thing I’ve come to grips with this year, is that it’s not my duty to change anyone else’s perspective. In fact, it’s not my place to do so. A lot of times I’ll witness my clients passionately protest their lack of getting other people to understand their woke point of view, “They just don’t get it, I want them to understand!” And I totally appreciate that frustration, I see the love, the yearning to spread awareness, and the fire behind what makes them feel alive, I’ve felt the same way many times. But…a lack of understanding is a person’s right during the journey of their own human experience. We’re all at different points in our life of understanding and connection.

Be a light in the world, live your truth.

I’m feeling a deep call to surrender, it’s been a strong theme for me this year, to focus on my own growth, to live and let live. Everything will be ironed out eventually. In the meantime, focus on being as energetically contained as you can and do your best.

What is meant for you cannot pass you. When it’s time, each of us will learn the lessons we’re meant to learn, other people don’t function on our timeline. Bless and release it, focus on yourself, their time will come – whether it be in this life or the next. ❤

I was laying in bed the other night thinking about the concept of old souls, struggling at times with the depth of feeling and sensitivity that I have to others when a lightbulb went off for me. We incarnate to live the life we choose that coincides with our soul’s contracts; crossing paths with people we are meant to cross paths with and learning lessons our souls came here to learn. It appears we may even choose our race, gender, and parents before we are born – signing up to come to this earth to learn specific lessons from them that will benefit our soul’s personal growth. I believe the people we know that are wrapped in bitterness and judgement haven’t lived as many lives yet, they may not have the capacity to grasp as much compassion and empathy as you, and that’s okay. Old souls have empathy in copious amounts and we want to heal and spread love. Others may be caught in bitterness and selfishness today, but this does not make them bad people and it doesn’t make you or I any better than anyone else – we are all in different places on our own journeys and we were once in their shoes as well, and also, we have much more learning to do of our own – focus on that. The learning never stops. Don’t get wrapped up in the lessons that aren’t meant for you, the Universe has got your back and the Universe has them covered as well. When someone triggers you, use that trigger as a mirror to look within to see what else you need to heal. We all get triggered, no matter what season we may be in or how old our elaborate soul may be. Turn to compassion and banish the need to control or judge.

Keep growing, keep expanding, keep it up, my love. You’ve got this. We’re all on our own individual journeys and it would be silly to assume everyone is at the same point. We all bring so much exquisite diversity to the table, helping each of us expand in different ways.

Everything I write here are lessons to myself. ❤

I love you.

I want to tap into my darkness and get cozy with it and I want to help other humans do the same. We’ve become so wrapped up in filters, attempting to perfect what we’ve been taught to hide and I’m fed up. I want to trash the room and shine a light on everything deep and dark.

I’m finally in a state of the rebellion that I’ve been accused of living in for my whole life. I wasn’t living in rebellion as a teenager when I left home or when I left the church. I wasn’t living in rebellion when I decided to get my first tattoo or when I left my ex-husband — forging my own path. I was deep in turmoil, deep in distress, deep in struggle many times over; the crucial metamorphosis that I needed to experience in order to develop my character, compassion, empathy, and experience. A rebirth.

But now…

This.

This is the rebellion and I feel it resonate deep in my body. Deep in my soul. Deep in my life as my world rocks with each ebb and flow. A resounding vibration of mayhem is bubbling up from my soul, like a storm that I can no longer withhold.
I’m vandalizing all concepts of “good”.
I want to scream from the rooftops of how fed up I am of playing this societal Game that I never signed up for, recruited from the womb to march neatly, just like so.

I’m rebelling by finally choosing myself after a life of feeling unworthy. I’m rebelling by owning my darkness, my grit, and my rough edges that I am no longer inclined to file down. I’m embracing my scars, my fierceness, my magic, and my mysticism. I’m rebelling by showing up fully. I have no energy left for the facades.

I’ve devoured the old me, yet I’m still hungry for more.

Burn it down, phoenix. Burn it down and rise.

I love you always,
even covered in ashes.
Especially so…