Smudging my page.

Settling in

Feeling this vibe as it rises within

Mama’s tired but I’ve been hustlin

Letting it come and letting it go

Trusting myself, I’m in the flow

Asking for miracles every morning

Forgiving the switch ups without warning

I’m growing, evolving, I’m doing my healing

I’m stronger, I’m clearer, I’m down with the feelings

I know what I bring to the table

I’m willing

I’m ready

I’m able

I’m a queen, in my house, on my own

Can’t impress me, I love being alone

Rest periods intertwining with grinding

The Universe makes sure I’m consistently rising

And so it is.✨

Trigger Warning: Self harm, suicide, abuse.

I didn’t expect the feelings I felt as I watched this old tattoo on my wrist disappear…

I felt a little choked up.

I felt a little freedom.

Release.

I felt ready to move forward.

I also felt sad as old memories flooded me, I found myself reaching back to comfort those past versions of myself as they crumbled in my memories, each in such different phases of life.

“Thank you for getting me here. We’re good. We made it through. We’re so strong. I love you.”

On the surface, this was just one of my earliest tattoos that wasn’t very good, the French lettering was spelled wrong, but the intention of the original tattoo was, “Let Go.”

Before I got this tattoo, a phone call interrupted one of my self harm sessions. I was sitting on the floor flirting with the idea of going deeper.

So tired of pretending.

So tired of shape shifting.

I felt so caged.

I was born and raised to be fearful and my fear of death held me in check. This practice helped me find a release in a world where I had to keep every natural thing about myself on lock, unless they were considered “acceptable” behavior or “proper” feelings.

– Shut it down unless it’s nice –

We’ve all felt this.

When that call came through, I received the news that my friend had felt the same, only he escaped this life. After he passed away, I vowed to myself to stop self harming. I got this tattoo and kept that promise to myself for several years…

During the worst year of my life, I found myself sitting on the floor in the kitchen. Hardly able to see through blurry tears, holding a shard of glass from my broken coffee pot after it had been smashed. I felt empty, hopeless, and like I could never recover or reclaim my life as my own. I felt entirely out of control, I felt owned by an abusive partner. I started to dig the glass into my wrist and push deeper when Ava’s face popped into my mind. Things were always the worst whenever she was away at her dad’s. “Thank goodness.” I contemplated that she would be safe and taken care of and I kept pushing and slashing the glass deeper still; scaring my tattoo and breaking my early promise to myself. This broken promise was interrupted by accusations that I was just being dramatic and mockery for, “doing it wrong.”

When I look back at the girl, lost and alone on both occasions; I remember her hopelessness, I feel her pain, and I remember what it felt like to be powerless.

I do not feel powerless today. I do not feel caged, I feel free.

I feel liberated by the closing of that chapter in my life. I know who I am, where I’m going, and who’s on my team. Every struggle is a metamorphosis for something.

And I’m starting to realize that I can fucking fly.

So can you.

You are writing your own story, if you’re not happy with the way things are, how can you change it? What needs to be burned to the ground? What quenches your thirst for life? What feeds your soul? Get clear on the things that drain you and the things that save you. You’re not here to people please and be nice all the time. We’ve all had to simply survive at one point or the other; but we can build, we can heal, we can elevate, and we can grow.

Grow with me. If you’d like to dive deeper, contact me! I have 1:1 coaching client spaces available, as well as my soul sister workshop; Vintage Wild Soul, a causal place to find and create epic support within a safe space.

I love you so much.

I want to speak to the hearts of those that crave to be seen and heard. I want to embrace the women that feel lost, empty, broken, and alone.

Because I feel that.
I’m her.
I have been her for my entire life.

This journey back home to myself is never ending. I heal, dig up old patterns, heal some more, revisit traumas, heal again, layer, after layer, after layer… I don’t speak eloquently like all of the other coaches and mentors. I don’t have the woke lingo down pat. I don’t always have the perfect words to spin into art to ease your aching spirit, but I love you with all of my heart and soul.

I see you. I feel you. I am you.

My intention is set. My motives are raw. I have been so broken, so lost, so far away from my true self at times that I understand what it’s like, I understand how it hurts. I have spent most of my life in self betrayal, trying to fit the molds created for other people, other bodies, other genders, other roles that were never meant for me. I’ve changed myself so many times through the years to gain approval. Trying to form fit into religions, relationships, friendships, jobs…just to be the “right” thing.

Enough.

I know how much it hurts to always give yourself away. To hand the reigns of your life over to others that don’t deserve to drive, or even know what’s best. Only I know that. Only YOU know that. We are the drivers of our lives, take back the control. Yes, we may lose some approval along the way, but nothing is more fulfilling than finding the approval of SELF.

Release the judgement towards yourself. Aura, are you listening? Release the judgement towards yourself. Life is full of ebbs and flows; we rise, we fall, we bloom in the spring, we go inward in the fall. This is our cyclical nature, be kind to yourself. We can’t run at max speed 100% of the time, we’re not wired that way. Go inward when getting the message loud and clear to do so. When wounded, go treat the infection. When feeling depleted, seek nourishment. When running ragged, take care of YOU.


This is what the journey back home to my true self looks like. It’s not all palo santo and clicking away at the keys of my computer as I write self-proclaimed philosophical musings, it’s not recording guided meditations, or doing yoga and clean eating. Sometimes it’s waking up feeling low, feeling insecure, not good enough. Sometimes it means getting to the nitty gritty, facing all the shit I try to hide from the world, facing my failures and then realizing that those feelings of defeat aren’t even failures at all, but leveling up opportunities. Take something from every stumble, learn from the pitfalls, be humble and continue building.


Today I choose to release the judgement. I choose to love myself even if I accomplish nothing and eat 4 churro cheesecake bars, even after the whole day passes and I haven’t spent any of my time in meditation, even when I feel bad for not responding to emails because I’m feeling depressed. I am human. I don’t only feel the light and fluffy emotions. I feel it all.

Today I choose not to be sorry for being human and I hope you can do the same, because we’re all in this together.


I love you.

I’m shifting again. -pause for twerk celebration- Stop right now and join in, for science; get the stagnant energy out and get the good vibrations flowing! Feel it move through you, the energy is rising and falling, swirling around in the body. Shake it all up! This is your shakti, your life force energy, your ki, prana, kundalini, whatever you want to call it…it’s in you like a snow globe, shake it!

This is the embodiment that is calling to my soul today. I had another bit of a breakthrough yesterday. An epiphany. I’ve been calling myself a mindset and empowerment coach which umbrellas over so many things, but now I’m feeling called to step into the role of embodiment coach as well. I want to embody the things I teach; I want to dive in so much deeper than before. Come with me.

My soul has been receiving a loud and clear call from my inner wild woman and for a while, I thought that was just a yearning for freedom and adventure, but what if we learned that we could tap into freedom and wildness within?

Hey Aura, you can fulfill this primal need within you. Stop feeling so restless. Tap into gratitude, okay? You’ve been a hermit in the mountains for long enough.

I’m experiencing a layer of ego death. While driving in the car with Ava last night, I talked about losing friends and how we are witnessing a “sorting” happening in history right now. Those that are awake and those that are asleep. One side stays in stagnation, repeating old patterns, getting wrapped up in negativity, limited beliefs and perspectives, and the other side twerks their butt off. Jk, but only a little.

I have realized that my journey is super strange if you’re on the outside looking in and I’ve also realized that I’m so comfortable with that, because my shift is literally not even about me at all. I have noticed that some people in my life are pulling back and that it’s surprisingly feeling so easy and comfortable for me to let those go, because what is meant for you cannot pass you and sometimes releasing old relationships that no longer serve your personal growth and vibration is a blessing. Drop the dead weight. I do not mean this in any way to sound callous, but if you are surrounding yourself with people that don’t vibe on your level, they are affecting your energetic field in one way or the other – they either uplift you or bring you down. I have spent my whole life trying to elevate people that were draining me of all my energy, now I’m patching up the leaks. I choose to grow and to surround myself with people that are also striving towards that growth mindset, and building this community my heart has always yearned for is like breathing fresh crisp air in the mountains for the first time.

A friend once told me how she was tired of getting to know people better, because it was always such a letdown. This is sad, but I totally feel it. I experienced a situation where I was feeling incredibly suspicious about someone; I easily tune into peoples’ intentions and emotional levels, so it’s easy for me to get a read on people. For a long time I diminished my own knowing, but now I unapologetically lean into it stronger than ever before. This is a blessing and a curse, because if I really want to jive with someone, I feel disappointed when I discover they’re not exactly who they appear to be, as none of us likely are at times – we’re all messy in our own ways. But then I realized that person was a mirror; I was feeling like they were fake, because I had been living under a façade my whole life in one way or the other. I was triggered by their ego, because my ego was still in full effect! I wanted credit for my growth, I wanted credit for how woke I was (lmao, I know), I disassociated from the fact that I craved to be the best, the most beautiful, the most talented, the most hospitable, the nicest, the coolest. Jeez, just writing that makes my stomach flip because that is so skeevy…yet so human. I was annoyed by how much this person would show up gunning for glory, because I was silently doing the exact same damn thing. I realized they were that way because of their own traumas and past, much like my own. They were trying to fake it ‘til they made it, just like I used to do for so long. I had a giant gapping hole in my heart and I was trying to fill it with outside validation, because I hadn’t learned how to complete myself yet.
The ego must die. It is in no way my place to judge someone else on their own journey, because it has nothing to do with me, and we are all equally flawed and have room for growth always. I appreciate the lesson I learned from that experience and I wish that person so much peace, love, and fulfillment – from a distance. It’s okay to distance yourself from people that don’t help you grow. Your energetic field is real and it’s your right to protect it. Love them from a distance if that serves you.

Here’s the thing. It’s so easy to sit in our homes, judging the heck out of everyone else, but for what? When my toddler starts being the little wild baby that she is, I notice the judgement that may be sent my way and I deflect it right back to where it belongs, because that has nothing to do with me or my wild child and I know my parenting cannot be summed up in a 2 minute observation, lol. I have nothing to prove to anyone and I do not vie for approval anymore. It’s so freeing. It’s also an ebb and flow, some days I may feel solid and grounded AF, while other days I realize I’m human AF and need to release the resentment and defensiveness that comes up in my body, allowing it to move through me. I cannot express this enough, when the feelings arise, move and release them fully. Don’t allow those feelings to take control or bring you down long term. You’re in control, my love.

The evolution of self is such a beautiful thing. May we never look back on our lives and see that our views and thought processes have remained the same.

May we never look back on our lives and see that our views and thought processes have remained the same.

May we never look back on our lives and see that our views and thought processes have remained the same.

To some, I may look like a hippie dippie girl in the burbs, lost in the woo woo, and in her own little world. But the truth of the matter is, I’m found in the vastness of consciousness and possibility. I do not question my intuition anymore, it is stronger than ever and I will always follow and believe it over anything else. Finally. Finally, I’ve learned how to trust myself and recognize my own power, as we all can if we allow ourselves to surrender to our knowing. When another layer comes up for me to work on and heal, because there is always room to up-level and improve, I will work on that one too.

We’re so multifaceted and in such beautiful, diverse, and amazing stages of our lives that are so different from everyone else’s. I needed to realize that I’m an old soul, but not everyone is and that’s normal, beautiful, and perfectly okay. Feeling judgy about being more woke than someone else is truly just as absurd as an adult getting angry at a baby for not understanding English. I want to come at life with a general understanding that we are all in such different places and it’s not my duty to control anything but myself and my own development.

When I consider my inner wild woman, she is uninhibited by the judgment from others she knows have no say over her life. She is sovereign. She discards scarcity, societal programming, religious dogma, and limiting beliefs. My inner wolf howls to the moon and calls to her pack, she does not lose sleep over the opinions of sheep. My wolf is calling to be set free and she calls to those that are like her; to you perhaps.
Join me, reach out, let’s connect, let’s be friends. Let’s talk about the moon, intuition, human design, sex magic, manifestation, witches, priestesses, shamanism, astrology beyond silly horoscopes, aliens, mushrooms, spirits and deities, let’s talk about your heartbreaks, your struggles, your desires, your shadows, let’s go deep. Let’s gather around a fire and howl at the moon.

If you’re my people, you know who you are.

And I love you.

I am the creator of my own existence. I hold all responsibility for my actions, reactions, and thoughts. My experiences are designed with or without care, I choose which. I am the designer, creator, healer, artist, dancer, officiant, and regulator.

Vision board and a mission, baby! All is as it should be.

I am expanding, I am growing, I am healing, I am building. I AM.

High on gratitude in this moment, soaking it all in, feeling warmed up from the inside out. I’m currently taking a writing workshop and today I’m learning all about publishing. Images of taking my artistic soul-food even further display themselves across my mind as this feeling of “It’s all already mine!!” crept into my heart center. Just rereading that last sentence sends vibrations through my chest. Manifestor energy! <– but more on that later!

Every single thought you have is laying the groundwork for what you perceive and experience in the future. Pause for a moment and reflect on the thoughts that drift in and out of your mind every day, those are only 5% of your total thoughts – as 95% are subconscious.

95%!

Your thoughts become things and your words are your wand. I know I say this all the time, but I don’t foresee that message ever not being important.

If 95% of our thoughts are subconscious, then that means 95% of unchecked thoughts are exactly what is predominantly creating our lives. Designing the things we will have, experience, do, say, and feel. Comprehending this is golden, because once we realized the gravity and the responsibility we must assume ownership of in order to be mindful; we can absolutely create the life we want, and the change we can create with our own mindset is invaluable. Indifference and ego may get in the way, but someday, whether in this life or the next, the time will come when people understand how mindfulness must leak into every area of our lives if we ever want to be truly self-aware and fulfilled.

We spend a lot of time talking about something we want, but often never sit down and make a plan of action. The doubters will say, “You didn’t manifest that, you just did the thing.” That’s fine, but this work goes hand in hand with mindful thoughts, mindful speak, and mindful ACTION. It’s a total recipe. The groundwork is programing your subconscious mind, and the results will be monumental.

I invite you now, to take an introspective look within;
What does your self-talk look like? What does your inner voice sound like?
What kind of things do you allow inside your mind? What thoughts do you allow yourself to have about others? What do you think about humans in general? Do you think the human race is generally good or evil? Now, what have your life experiences been like? Do they reflect your thoughts?
Do you live in lack and beliefs of scarcity? Does your bank account match those beliefs?
Do you hate on others? Do you hate on yourself?
Do you get envious of what other people have, feeding thoughts of lack? Do you feel stagnant and blocked in your life as a result?
Do you feel superior, or secretly think you know all the answers? Are you expanding in diversity, or have you stayed in the same zone for most of your life?

What we communicate with the Universe, we receive.
If I won’t shut up about how tired I am all the time, guess what? My focus is on exhaustion and I will be exhausted.
If I’m always complaining, I will always reap negativity.
If I focus on how much I hate something, all I’m going to do is become poisoned by that hatred. Believe me, I spent a lot of my life feeling resentment inside of my heart towards the past, feeling wounded and unable to let go. I had to redirect my thoughts.
If you demonize money and feel like you’re always broke and cringe every time you check your bank account, you’re sending messages to the Universe that you are stuck in scarcity and the Universe will allow you to stay there until you shift your mindset.
If I am on a strict diet and all I can think about is dessert and how much I hate my belly rolls, guess what? I’m going to obsess until I eat the cake and cry about the jeans that don’t fit me. Now, first and foremost, know where I stand – You deserve to eat the cake (maybe keep it to one piece instead of the whole thing, but who hasn’t been there lol), but your body also deserves for you to not punish her and diminish her, calling her names and belittling her every imperfection. Shift the perspective; instead of looking in the mirror and saying unkind things to yourself; hold her, tell your body that you love her, that you’re thankful for her, that she is healthy and capable. She will become healthier and more capable as you feed your soul with nurturing self-talk, because nurturing self-talk begins to reprogram the subconscious mind. As your perspective begins to shift, your habits will as well. You won’t feel the intense need to binge as a salve for how unhappy you are, you will gain pride from nurturing your body physically because you’ve started to nurture her mentally.

You get the point. Thoughts become things and this can be applied to every single area of your life.

I heard “Manifest Your Reality” for a long time before I ever actually took it seriously. It was something I could spout out to my 5-year-old, at the time, whenever she’d cop an attitude. I was communicating real wisdom and truth to her, but I didn’t see it fully myself. I still had a filter on, I wasn’t seeing the full potential, I wasn’t grasping the depth…

Because I wasn’t ready yet.

This filter that society and organized religion has placed over our eyes is SO POWERFUL. I get it, I feel it, I’ve fallen victim to it time and time again, but what you see at face value is never all there is. The depth we can reach within to see things from different slants is so amazing to me, because it shows how expansive the mind truly is. Dig deeper, there is always more below the surface to something than we may expect.

My great gramma used to say, “Cast your bread upon the waters and it will return to you.” She was a saint of a woman, a loving Christian I believe the real Mary Magdalene would have been proud of. I can write these words now with no animosity, despite my wounded Christian background, because I can see there is so much wisdom rooted in all religions and teachings, all different interpretations of the innate wisdom we hold within us. When I was a girl, I remember hearing my mother lovingly talk about my gramma, and how this phrase referred to generosity, but what would happen if we turned this generosity inwards and began to fuel our bodies with love? Anything you can imagine! –> Beyonce didn’t become Beyonce without a lot of positive self-talk and action, the same goes for you and me. Put in the work, reprogram your subconscious mind.

What you put out; you get back. What you invest in, returns. What you nurture, grows. And the same can be said for the opposite. If I’m not feeling loved, my love withers and I lose the energy to nurture where I’m not being nurtured in return. I remember my dad saying if two dogs get in a fight the one you feed is the one that wins, and such is the mind.

If you want to reprogram your subconscious mind; stalk your brain, pay attention, and redirect your thoughts towards success, goals, compassion, nurturing self-talk, and reprogram your thoughts with mindful redirection, I AM’s, affirmations, awareness, love, intentional living…you can do it.

If I can, you can. Together we rise.

What do you intuitively already know? What do you have the capacity for? Do you take the time to tune into your body and ask what it is trying to tell you? This was such a foreign concept to me when I began this journey. “What is your body telling you,” seemed like a hollow thing people were saying and I didn’t understand it. Again, I had my blinders on. I needed to slow down and get in touch with my body and develop an understanding of her that I hadn’t allowed myself to do before. I had to check in and feel what I was feeling on a cellular level. The world we live in has become so loud, busy, and flashy; we’ve become so disconnected from ourselves. When I learned how to tune into my body – a concept that I will always continue to hone in on for the rest of my life – going with the flow in certain areas became unbearable to me, because I was no longer desensitized to things that weren’t serving me. When my body would physically tense up, I knew something was off. It’s taken a lot of love and communication with myself to differentiate between anxiety and intuition. In a world where we are told we can’t trust ourselves (our intuitive gifts), all we’re left with is anxiety and it takes a lot of work to fine tune that understanding and cultivate trust within your body again. I have apologized and heard women apologize for their gut feelings and thoughts a million times over. How do we learn to stop dismissing our gifts? We must deconstruct all of the limiting beliefs that hold us back. Don’t diminish yourself or apologize for the way you feel, don’t minimize yourself the way other people have minimized you all your life. Do not assume ownership of someone else’s projections of insecurity and fear when they try to take you down with them. Have your own back. You deserve to trust yourself; you deserve to listen to your body and discover what the hell that even means. ❤

I AM’s help us to reframe and reprogram the subconscious mind. I AM’s help us rebuild. Here are a few I AM’s to help you redirect your mindset. Try these whenever you think of it; in the car, in the shower, while washing dishes, on your morning run, it doesn’t matter. Sneak them in any chance you can and create your own as well. These are simply a few of my regulars:

I AM open to receive. – Guidance, abundance, blessings, healing, personal growth, love, self-love, money, happiness. Never turn down a gift. When we deny the offers of others, we are communicating with the Universe that we are not open to receive, creating lack. If you want abundance in your life, call it in and level it up with immense gratitude.

I AM enough. I AM worthy. I AM whole. – I know having a romantic partner to complete us has been totally romanticized, as is doubting ourselves, looking outside of ourselves for validation, or religious shame that has been perpetuated to make you think you need an outside source to save you from yourself, but you have been taught to feel this way by a paradigm that was not formed in your best interest. You are enough, you are divinity in form, you are raw magic. Don’t let any false beliefs, that don’t even truly belong to you, rule your mindset. You complete yourself, you are trustworthy, and once we realize this as a whole, there will be much less broken people flinging their damage all over the place furthering even more damage. Instead, we might show up whole and complete with healthy mindsets of what we deserve, how we deserve to be treated, and how others deserve to be treated by us. We will operate with love, understanding, compassion, and empathy instead of judgement and resentment or martyr syndrome.

I AM healing. I AM safe. – We all have healing to do from past traumas and experiences and no one’s pain invalidates your own. Program your subconscious mind to release resentment and bitterness towards anyone that has hurt you in the past, so you can move forward. This is not about anyone else but you. You live in your head, no one else. This is your story, your experience, your life – reclaim it!

I AM ever-evolving and expanding. – This is one of my favorites. I fell into atheism for a while in my late teens/early 20’s. Abandonment and bitterness led me into a radical pendulum swing from religion and chased me into the arms of atheism. Quite literally, I found myself eloping with a stranger on a Monday afternoon, he was an atheist and while I had been so used to looking outside of myself for answers from my religious upbringing, I carried that right into this relationship. I adopted arrogance in atheism, I assumed my partner’s beliefs as my own, and I closed my mind off entirely to everything. Close mindedness is a slippery slope, because once we assume we know everything, our learning completely halts. Now, in my 30’s, I strive to be a learner for the rest of my days. I’ll probably still be layering on new certifications in my 90’s and I wouldn’t have it any other way, because I adore learning. The deeper I go, the more my mind is blown by new facets I have yet to explore. Feed your yearning for exploration in knowledge just as much as in traveling the world!

I AM mindful and self-aware. – This really ties in to the latter. Personal development and awakening is deep integration of the new things we’re learning. Self-awareness has everything to do with this, because dissecting our behaviours and our WHY’s helps us understand how to better move forward. Do your shadow work; own every aspect of yourself, shift the things that need attention and sharpen your awareness.
The other night we were saying goodnight to my oldest daughter. We have a secret handshake that we do every single night (I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom 😉), but it’s easy to get caught up and feel impatient at times when you’re tired and ready to enjoy your kid-free time at night, am I right? She was stalling and playing around, so my partner got fed up and walked out with a short, “My time is valuable. Goodnight.” I started to explain to her that she needs to be self-aware of wasting people’s time and yadda yadda, when I realized something key. She needed that attention, she was stalling and playing around, because we’ve been crazy busy and haven’t been as attentive as she needed us to be. I needed to be self-aware here, not her. She was communicating her needs clearly, kids always do, because they don’t have the filters or layers of conditioning piled on yet. My partner came back and they hugged it out and she went to bed on a good note. Kids are so open and forgiving.
I choose to do better, even if it means waking up at 4am to knock out my work ahead of time so I can be more present. I must do whatever it takes to improve. Getting up at 4am most certainly is NOT my norm, but I did it today and I feel really proud of it, lol.

Keep up the good work, my loves. You are growing, expanding, and ever-changing. You are reprogramming your subconscious mind.

I love you.

My two-year-old found a long pink tube of bubbles today. Delighted, she brought them to me, looking up at me with her big blue eyes,
“Bubbles!!” she squealed.
I unscrewed the cap and began blowing bubbles in the middle of my kitchen. She danced around in delight as she chased them, captivated by the glistening rainbows before they met their demise as she swiped at them with her perfect little hands.

This is when I noticed something interesting; she would fixate on one or two as they drew closer to the floor, eventually getting on her hands and knees to examine them closely, all while about 40 bubbles floated above and behind her. When I’d try to catch her attention to get her to look at them, she was too sidetracked. Baby girl would soon cry out over the two that popped on the floor, face twisting up, probably followed by an adorably and equally appalling toddler uttered f-bomb, but by the time she would turn back around, the others had already fallen and popped themselves.

We do this all the time. We chase “bubbles” and become so fixated on one thing that we end up missing opportunity elsewhere, and you know what? I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to waste any more time allowing something trivial to consume my attention when there are bigger and more important things going on literally everywhere else around me.

Right here, right now: I choose to make conscious efforts not to become too preoccupied to notice the magic all around me, simply because I’m chasing one or two mediocre bubbles that are falling flat at my feet.

Perspective is a wild notion. Everything we perceive is through a filter created by our conditioning and past experiences. When perspective begins to shift, we see the same thing we’ve always seen, only now with so much more clarity and depth.

I sat in the stands of a Lizzo concert with my oldest daughter; shortly after I’d begun working through another intense layer of my spiritual awakening; this layer was titled, “Self-Love” and it was a long time coming. As I listened to Lizzo’s words, the queen of confidence and body love, I felt them rush through my heart and pump into my entire body. I felt her words more deeply than I had ever taken the time to previously grasp before. When I heard her speak, I finally understood her magical sense of self-love and I felt that love sink even deeper into my own body than I knew was imaginable. This was the liberation of reframed perspective. This was the liberation of not being defined by anyone else but yourself, not simply bending to the ways of how you’re told to think, this is what it felt like to choose you and to love every exhilarating minute of it.

I’ve spent a lot of my life with a crap perspective, we all do at one point or the other. I remember going to the grocery store with the most deterring energy that I could muster, and believe me, it was a lot of bad energy. I was so miserable, I walked around like a black hole – willing to take anyone down that got close enough, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I would side-eye any man that would even consider approaching me in public, and I even scowled and turned my head away from the cute baby in the check out line in front of me. I was straight up not having a good time, guys. When I got back to my car, I saw my reflection in the driver’s side window and my shirt said, “Good Vibes”. I was literally a walking oxymoron. I was so focused on my own crap attitude that I projected that bad energy onto everyone else around me, while also looking like a total fraud. I was a total fraud. I was engrossed in the tiny circles of two popped bubbles that had landed on the floor at my feet.

There is a sense of beauty and freedom in backing off and looking at life from a bigger perspective. We will always learn more when we stop, collaborate, and listen. Ha, yep. But really, there is wisdom to be found everywhere and we don’t know everything. Keep your head up, baby.

I love you, always.

I want to tap into my darkness and get cozy with it and I want to help other humans do the same. We’ve become so wrapped up in filters, attempting to perfect what we’ve been taught to hide and I’m fed up. I want to trash the room and shine a light on everything deep and dark.

I’m finally in a state of the rebellion that I’ve been accused of living in for my whole life. I wasn’t living in rebellion as a teenager when I left home or when I left the church. I wasn’t living in rebellion when I decided to get my first tattoo or when I left my ex-husband — forging my own path. I was deep in turmoil, deep in distress, deep in struggle many times over; the crucial metamorphosis that I needed to experience in order to develop my character, compassion, empathy, and experience. A rebirth.

But now…

This.

This is the rebellion and I feel it resonate deep in my body. Deep in my soul. Deep in my life as my world rocks with each ebb and flow. A resounding vibration of mayhem is bubbling up from my soul, like a storm that I can no longer withhold.
I’m vandalizing all concepts of “good”.
I want to scream from the rooftops of how fed up I am of playing this societal Game that I never signed up for, recruited from the womb to march neatly, just like so.

I’m rebelling by finally choosing myself after a life of feeling unworthy. I’m rebelling by owning my darkness, my grit, and my rough edges that I am no longer inclined to file down. I’m embracing my scars, my fierceness, my magic, and my mysticism. I’m rebelling by showing up fully. I have no energy left for the facades.

I’ve devoured the old me, yet I’m still hungry for more.

Burn it down, phoenix. Burn it down and rise.

I love you always,
even covered in ashes.
Especially so…

I woke up this morning with a placid smile on my face, it’s September 1st! And tonight, is another luminous full moon, how perfect, the potent energy of this moon is calling in profound divine reconnection to self. Calling us to ground in and come back to center. We are shifting on a cellular level as a collective right now, the evolution in so many is undeniable and it’s a magnificent thing to witness.

The brisk air filtered in through my window as I laid in my bed, a layer of fog sauntered along the grassy hills, suspended softly like clouds. As I sit down at my computer this morning, tapping away at the keys, these words pour from my open heart and I feel rejuvenated. There is something so refreshing and enchanting about this time of year, the fresh air is already hinted with notes of bonfires and haybales. I can almost taste it.

Okay, I know, I know…it’s still technically summertime, and don’t get me wrong; I love bike rides in the sunshine, crystal clear lake water, and hiking beneath a canopy of maples, walnuts, and sycamore trees as golden rays of sunshine beam through the leaves – reminding us of all things whimsical and magic as laughter and gleeful screams bubble all around. But my cancer sun and rising soul thrives in this cool and tantalizing air, come with me for just a moment. Let me paint your mind with cozy blankets and sacred cacao in my favorite mug, as I write sensual and magical stories of awakening and love.

When I think about my most happiest of places, where I feel the most alive, it’s on a four-wheeler with a dented thermos of hot chocolate strapped to the hood. Red, yellow, and orange leaves, green pines and ferns whip past me in a blur as I ascend through the hills that call to my yearning heart. Cool wind in my face, Canadian air in my lungs, and the exhilarating rush in my chest as I fly down the trails. My soul craves for those northern hills more than anything.

September is the beginning, the doorway into that magical place where things begin to turn inward. And inward is where I’m called to be these days.

We spend so much of our valuable time in summer-like expectations that we set for ourselves; produce, produce, produce, energy on high, on the move, hustle and grind – we have become so wrapped up in our heads that we often forget to drop into the body, how to feel. We’ve been tricked into thinking that summer is the only acceptable season for us and we lack self-compassion when our soul yearns for us to nurture it and go inward towards hibernation, calling us to release things that no longer serve us, begging for old patterns to be put to death. If our world is allowed to produce and rest, so are you. We must.

I’ve begun to look at my life similarly the Mother’s earthly seasons. We are one, so beautifully and intricately connected to the plants, the animals, the moon… It makes perfect sense that we would ebb and flow, just like the ocean’s powerful tides. I realized that sometimes you have to bare it all in order to come back to earth to propagate your roots into the rich soil of the Mother, She is always there to lovingly guide us back home to ourselves to become centered once again.

Today I challenge you to drop into your magnificent body. Take a moment to lovingly document the things you love about it. Check in with a mental body scan, compassionately noticing how it feels and reacts to things throughout the day. I promise it will tell you things you didn’t notice before, but above all else, wield your thoughts and inner reflections with self-love and compassion, note where you need to rest and where you have the capacity to expand.


I love you with my whole heart.

When in desperate need to find yourself: Burn it all down and rebuild.

There was a time in my life where I realized I was like a caged bird that had lost hope and stopped singing. Before I knew it, I was dead inside. I’d lost hope, lost myself, I didn’t even recognize myself when I looked in the mirror anymore. I was so unhappy, riddled with depression, questioning and second-guessing myself constantly, I was a shell of who I once was.
When I realized how bad things had gotten, I agonized over the state of my life and the version of myself that was showing up to raise my kids. I was depleted, I felt useless, my marriage was in shambles, I had no purpose other than housekeeping, I was totally disconnected from my body, physically, spiritually, and mentally unhealthy, I’d learned I couldn’t trust my intuition, and I felt utterly alone.
I was disconnected and disconnection is lethal.
I was in need of an entire overhaul – a demolition of my life and looking back now, I’m really proud of my resilience.
I burned it all down, baby.
And the process of burning it down and rebuilding looked something like this:

  • I took a hiatus from social media.

Social media has the potential for great things, but at the time – for me – it had become the perfect soul sucker. A mindless numbing and dumbing down of my consciousness, an empty filler in place of the real soul-food I was craving. I needed substance, I needed to make a change, I needed to learn new things and broaden my perspectives.
Laugh reacts and LOL’s, sitting behind our phones with stone straight faces. Synthetic happiness. I was like a junkie, shooting up to ease the pain of my own personal failed existence.
I was sick to death of the façades, the counterfeit happiness I was exuding, the faux and feigned interests in all kinds of bullshit. Overly filtered, I became disconnected from real people and real conversations, and I was so deeply uncomfortable with myself that I couldn’t even last 2 minutes without double checking my phone for something interesting to fill my head with…likes, heart reacts, meme conversations, and heart emojis with no depth behind it or actual love. Not to even mention all of the social media rules that crosses every healthy boundary in the book. Leaving someone on read just means I’m busy with my real life, not that I don’t like you or have something against you. I don’t owe you anything. Social media has perpetuated a prodigious lack of boundaries.
I got sick of the social media politics, reading into things way too much, getting my panties in a bunch, acquaintances having total access to everything I did from what I looked like when I woke up in the morning (a strange and likely filtered flex), to how I felt about the current president, and literally anything and everything in between. I would share specific posts, because I wanted people to know who I was and what I stood for, but not to actually help any cause. I was seeking validation outside of myself. It was showboating and I was nauseated by the realization. It all became such a massive overshare for me and I had to take a step back,
“…do I really enjoy this, or have I just been programmed to document my life publicly online for over ten years and now it’s just the norm? Do I really care about this, or am I sharing it to boost my ego or gain approval from someone I admire?
I had to unplug. Now I know it’s difficult to do when social media is used so prevalently for school, groups, business, etc…, so these days I really try to stick to my boundaries. It might take me a few days to open a Snapchat or a DM, I may never respond to the picture of your dog – but know I still love him just the same, I might read a message and not reply until midnight or a week from now. I release the anxiety that social media once created for me, I don’t play by your rules, so if I don’t respond, just know that I still love you.
Simplifying is self-care.
I felt lighter when I ditched social media. I was more at ease, less frazzled by blue lit screen time, my attention span got better and I was able to read my books with a baby climbing all over me without having to reread the same line 324 times before comprehending it. For a long time I thought I had undiagnosed ADD, turns out my focus was a muscle that was never being worked and strengthened, because I was so wrapped up in the instant gratification from social media.
Gifting myself with that hiatus was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself, because it created a snowball effect into excitingly beautiful and expansive opportunities that my body had been craving for, even though at the time, I didn’t realize it in my head.

I’m not saying anyone is bad for using social media, I’m not saying you can’t connect over how much you hate vodka and love bourbon. I am saying to gift yourself with boundaries – but more on that later. 🙂

  • I dove head first into books and podcasts.

When I ditched social media for 6 months, I found I suddenly had time for podcasts and books. Once this educational and personal developmental vein was tapped, I couldn’t get enough. I had my earbuds in constantly; learning about connection to self, human design, manifesting, feminine and masculine energy, learning how to hone in on better communication skills, toxic sex and sexuality vs. the mass depth and potential that real sexual connection has to offer, deconstruction that must happen if we are to evolve and grow, shadow work: cue the dark night of the soul, I learned more about spirituality and began to heal my religion wound, I learned more about healing from traumas, how to love myself, inner child work, healing my relationship to the wounded masculine after a lifetime of abuse… I slowly began to shift to a more self-loving and empowered version of myself. I turned inward, fully. I tapped into pleasure. I allowed myself space to just be.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Books are the key to my heart. I laughed to myself as I envisioned clicking on a book in a video game to up-level my skills, or my dog’s skills (if you know, you know). If only it were that easy. But it really is a good representation of how much we can benefit from reading. Over the past year, I’ve tossed back about 40 books (this was before my schedule blew TF up!) and if I had the time, it would be much more than that. I want to know, I want to learn all the things, I want to expand and grow, I want to continue learning forever and ever how to be a better version of myself. Books are meditation, focus, presence.

If you don’t have the capacity to read, it’s okay! No judgement, I am finding it very hard to read for pleasure these days, due to my work, but books are my love.
And audio books or podcasts are also golden! ❤

  • I journaled every day.

Not the “Today I got up and ate biscuits and gravy…” kinda journaling, but the heart-centered and soul-led kind of journaling. My thoughts, gratitude lists, my faults, my insecurities, musings, and insights…I began to dissect myself like I never had before. I had to face my demons, my shadows – what did I hate about myself? Why? How could I better myself? How could I find a way to become self-compassionate? How could I learn to love and accept my body, no matter what state it’s in? How could I be more loving? How could I see things from another’s perspective? How could I live a more authentic life? What needed tweaking? A LOT needed tweaking (always will!) and it was a painful, yet beautiful, process.
Journaling is therapeutic and helps you iron things out. There is something to be said about putting pen to paper, it’s magical. Literally. Your words are your wand, you’re programing your subconscious mind with the content you feed it. Do your journaling, write gratitude lists every single day to call in abundance.
“Thank you, more please!”
“I am capable, I am resilient, I am beautiful, I am loved, I am worthy, I am powerful, I am expanding. I AM.”

  • I worked with a coach

This is a huge one for me, but let me preface with this: I’m not saying you have to work with a coach to reclaim your life, but I did and the change was transformational. I gained more clarity. I did a lot of deconditioning of old patterns and old beliefs. I uncovered things about myself, some wonderful and some hard to face. I worked on healing and forgiving those that hurt me, including past versions of myself that had self-betrayed me while in survival mode. I found an impeccable support system that I had never experienced before in my life. Your support system may not look like a coach, it may be found anywhere else, but it is vital and key. Find a person that validates and sees you, witnessing you in your struggle and in your growth! It’s not selfish to be human and have basic human needs of simply being seen and fully understood. In this surface level society, it’s hard to fully open up. A person that will encourage and motivate you to do better, to get into action, to set goals, and to thrive while getting to know yourself is so beneficial and you are worthy of having that kind of person in your corner. So often I hear clients tell me they don’t know what they want or what their interests are, but that doesn’t mean they actually don’t know, they just need to get reacquainted and develop a relationship with themselves again. Uncover the old you, the you that isn’t in hiding or afraid, the you before all of the wounding and baggage, before all the layers of protection were caked on to keep you safe. Shed those layers, get scared, allow yourself to be stretched and get out of your comfort zone. It’s a beautiful metamorphosis. You can climb any mountain you set your mind to, don’t let your inner mean girl tell you otherwise. Those things she whispers in your ear are lies and they do not own or define you.

  • I had to set boundaries and honor them

Boundaries. Let’s talk about it, because it needs to be addressed. I am not here for the notion that we must be good girls (or guys ;)), non-confrontational, quiet, submissive, and agreeable all the time. Quiet frankly, because life is often not deserving of such a response. Yet, we are trained to be easy going and having no boundaries is glorified.  
“Don’t rock the boat,”
“Play nice,”
“Over extend yourself,”
“Bend over backwards to meet anyone else’s needs, but your own.”
“Be selfless, it’s the right thing to do.”
“Hustle, hustle, hustle and grind. Don’t worry about your quality of life.”

To be honest, I feel this is perpetuated because the masses are easier to control when they are docile, but that’s a topic for another day.
Why are we training our children not to have boundaries in a world where people are taken advantage of and walked all over? It’s okay to disappoint people, if it means you are remaining true to yourself. Always remain true to yourself. Another person has no control over you unless you allow it. There were times I’d get so wrapped up in what someone else thought about me that I’d lose myself entirely. At one point in my life I changed the way I dressed, because I was made to feel as if my body was property and not my own, I became much more conservative, even though my natural form made me feel beautiful and in tune with my feminine radiance and still does today. I became much quieter and subdued, allowing fear and a lack of confidence to keep me quiet. I isolated myself entirely, changing my number and cutting off old friends because I was so nervous to rock the boat. I lost myself behind the mask of laidback, but easygoing was just an attractive replacement for blasé and controlled. I became a shell of a woman with no concept of boundaries. I forgot how to drive, I gave all control away, I rotated around the needs and wants of others, always above my own – I self-betrayed for years and years of my life until it was simply the norm and I was numbed to the trauma it was creating in my body. I was suffocating inside of a box that was never meant for me.

We cannot afford to give our power away. You are valuable, worthy, and important. You are the only one living your human experience in your body and from your perspective. Sometimes honoring your boundaries looks like saying no even when you feel bad about it. Sometimes honoring your boundaries looks like standing up for yourself in the face of a narcissist that’s trying to break you down. Maybe it’s cutting off a toxic client, family member, or ending a one-sided friendship that you don’t have the capacity for. Never wish them anything but love and light, but know that you don’t owe them your energy. Bless and release any hard feelings you may have. Always improve for yourself, never for someone else. Set whatever boundaries you need and honor them.

——————————————————

As always, this isn’t a one-size-fits-all plan, but this is what helped me recover from the dark place I found myself in after a lot of years repressing and making myself small. I still repress myself at times, old habits die hard, but effort is key. These steps weren’t simple or easy, it took me a long time and these are steps I will continue to hone in on for the rest of my life, this journey is never ending. We will always have room to learn and improve, the day we stop learning is a good sign we need to shake things up. Don’t let your ego tell you that you’ve already got it all together, that’s a detrimental lie that will stunt your growth. We aren’t trying to improve ourselves in order to reach some final destination of perfection, the journey is your life and it’s no one else’s but yours to create as you wish.

Do the work if it resonates and feels good to you. You deserve it. You are so strong, so worthy, so awe inspiring. Keep showing up for yourself. Take what you need and leave the rest. ❤

Please feel free to share some other steps you have found to be beneficial to your healing! I love to expand and a beautiful way to do that is through collaboration.

The light in me loves and honors the light in you. Always.

What does it mean to live as art?

For me, it’s breathing in the tantalizing pleasures of all forms.

Writing something that feels like sticky, sweet honey dripping from my heart, my lips, my mind…

Painting a playful piece of art, making a mess, reacquainting yourself with your inner child – your soul’s purest form, nurturing and holding her.

It’s reveling in your accomplishments, owning your truth, paving the way for anyone in your wake. The wildness of owning your full and whole self is so provocative, it makes my mouth water after a lifetime of dying of thirst; depth, nourishing connection, beauty without any “goods” or “shoulds”.

Living as art is dressing in something that channels my inner Aphrodite – embracing my femininity, my curves, my softness.

It’s recording a slow and sensual sound clip of beautiful words and poetry…inviting in all of the warm and soft vibes that I get when I replay it.

It could be tasting every delectable note in a piece of dark chocolate, it could be pink rose quartz in my bath, a sacred yoni egg practice infused with self-love and healing, or observing smoke swirling and dancing in the air – breathing it all in, allowing the scents to relax you and fill your cup.

Living as art is releasing the pressures of society or religions, releasing what you know about surface level sex and sensuality, casting them to the side to just be who you are at your core. We are deeper than the unfathomable ocean’s secrets, we hold so much wisdom within our bodies.

You are not your programming. We are much more than human, we are divinity in form. Feel deeply.

Experience.

Slow down to appreciate the simple pleasures.

Feel your skin, leisurely.

Admire yourself exactly as you are right now.

Speak to yourself with love and compassion.

You are so worthy, my love. You are exquisite, I am so in awe of you, of me, of her…

I create my life, my perspective, my experiences, and I answer to no one.

I choose to find beauty in all things. I choose to live as art.

Make art, feel art, be art.

I am a woman and I am unashamed, untamed, wild. They have tried so long and so hard to rip away our grace, our power, our magic…to tarnish it, demonize it, and taint our beauty and diminish it to something so trivial and disposable.

You cannot dispose of something so raw as the sounds I can create with my voice, or the movements I create with my body as I arise within my feminine radiance. I’m not referring to sex, but life.

I am a woman. We are queens, goddesses, witches.

Society can do everything in its power to try to minimize the pure magical creatures that we are, but they will fail and we will prevail. The moon is on our side, we are one with her, she fuels us with her energy, she determines the tide’s ebb and flow of Mother earth and within each of us.

We are one.

We are art.

Live as art, beauty. It is your birthright.