Growing up in the 90’s and 2000’s, I was always holding myself to the standards of Monica and Rachel from Friends. Not to mention, all of my friends were smaller than me and I was always caught in comparison. I grew up thinking rail thin was the ideal and I strived to accomplish that ideal through years of disordered eating. My first boyfriend glamorized feeling my hip bones as an armrest once I started starving myself and it was all history from there on out. I would look in the mirror and suck in my stomach to see my entire ribcage, cringing over how fat I was.

This is where I reach back in my memories and lovingly hold that wounded young girl and say, “Child, it’s okay to love yourself. You’re beautiful and you don’t have to be like everyone else to be worthy of happiness or self love. You’re not defined by anyone else but your own joy. You’re gonna really love those hips you’ve got one day.”

I find it interesting looking back on that now, because I notice the type of women that I’m attracted to today and they’re all women with a similar body type to my own, which is totally ironic, because every now and then I still find my mind attempting to repeat patterns by telling myself that model thin is still the ideal.

Girl, bye. All bodies are fire.

This entire post is inspired by a quick IG scroll and some very thin legs that made my mind go, “I wish my legs looked like that.” I’m all lower half; I’m a curvy girl with thick legs and hips for days. Immediately I thought, why did I just think that? I’m personally attracted to curves and softness, why do I forget and still fall into old patterns of comparison? I’d never want any woman to feel less than for simply being different than someone else. Chocolate cake and cherry pie are both delish and one is not more acceptable than the other, they’re simply different. Just like a woman in a 00 is no more superior to a full figured woman in a size 20, or vice versa. All are exquisite in their own forms. While I get mad that I rubbed the thighs out of yet another pair of leggings, someone else is wishing they could fill out their jeans in the first place. We all have different body image struggles, but what if we shifted this perspective and started gassing ourselves and each other up instead?

Baby girl, be kind to yourself. We all struggle, but why? Who taught us to compare? Personally, I think without patriarchy, we’d probably be a lot more accepting and loving to ourselves, because we never would have grown up thinking we were simply eye candy for men, but I digress… I think this is why lesbians are so damn powerful, they don’t apologize for their natural bodies as much, because they don’t play by the same rules and I ADORE THAT.

Our bodies are not apologies and I hate that sometimes I feel guilty for existing as the “wrong thing” but this is part of the growing process, the healing journey home to SELF, and the growth mindset work I’ve been doing.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the concept that one body type is ideal over any other is simply absurd. Just because we’ve all been told what to think doesn’t mean we have to obey!👈

“OBEY.”🤢

Love handles are sexy af, soft bellies are my favorite, your thin long legs for days are amazing and you look like a statue, and that juicy ass is everything. We all have stretch marks and cellulite no matter how big or how small, we all have insecurities, and we’re ALL bangin’.🔥

I love that you’re a real live human being.

I love that I am too.

Just a little reminder.🥰

///// I challenge you to comment something underground that you love about yourself or others. I’m not talking mainstream thinking of giant tits and lips, though who doesn’t love those! I’m talking the real.

I’m a fan of love handles on the hips. They didn’t get their name on accident. 😉

Trigger Warning: Self harm, suicide, abuse.

I didn’t expect the feelings I felt as I watched this old tattoo on my wrist disappear…

I felt a little choked up.

I felt a little freedom.

Release.

I felt ready to move forward.

I also felt sad as old memories flooded me, I found myself reaching back to comfort those past versions of myself as they crumbled in my memories, each in such different phases of life.

“Thank you for getting me here. We’re good. We made it through. We’re so strong. I love you.”

On the surface, this was just one of my earliest tattoos that wasn’t very good, the French lettering was spelled wrong, but the intention of the original tattoo was, “Let Go.”

Before I got this tattoo, a phone call interrupted one of my self harm sessions. I was sitting on the floor flirting with the idea of going deeper.

So tired of pretending.

So tired of shape shifting.

I felt so caged.

I was born and raised to be fearful and my fear of death held me in check. This practice helped me find a release in a world where I had to keep every natural thing about myself on lock, unless they were considered “acceptable” behavior or “proper” feelings.

– Shut it down unless it’s nice –

We’ve all felt this.

When that call came through, I received the news that my friend had felt the same, only he escaped this life. After he passed away, I vowed to myself to stop self harming. I got this tattoo and kept that promise to myself for several years…

During the worst year of my life, I found myself sitting on the floor in the kitchen. Hardly able to see through blurry tears, holding a shard of glass from my broken coffee pot after it had been smashed. I felt empty, hopeless, and like I could never recover or reclaim my life as my own. I felt entirely out of control, I felt owned by an abusive partner. I started to dig the glass into my wrist and push deeper when Ava’s face popped into my mind. Things were always the worst whenever she was away at her dad’s. “Thank goodness.” I contemplated that she would be safe and taken care of and I kept pushing and slashing the glass deeper still; scaring my tattoo and breaking my early promise to myself. This broken promise was interrupted by accusations that I was just being dramatic and mockery for, “doing it wrong.”

When I look back at the girl, lost and alone on both occasions; I remember her hopelessness, I feel her pain, and I remember what it felt like to be powerless.

I do not feel powerless today. I do not feel caged, I feel free.

I feel liberated by the closing of that chapter in my life. I know who I am, where I’m going, and who’s on my team. Every struggle is a metamorphosis for something.

And I’m starting to realize that I can fucking fly.

So can you.

You are writing your own story, if you’re not happy with the way things are, how can you change it? What needs to be burned to the ground? What quenches your thirst for life? What feeds your soul? Get clear on the things that drain you and the things that save you. You’re not here to people please and be nice all the time. We’ve all had to simply survive at one point or the other; but we can build, we can heal, we can elevate, and we can grow.

Grow with me. If you’d like to dive deeper, contact me! I have 1:1 coaching client spaces available, as well as my soul sister workshop; Vintage Wild Soul, a causal place to find and create epic support within a safe space.

I love you so much.

Picture this. Your car’s been broken into for the third time this year, you work an unrewarding job that you hate and you believe that hustle and grind is the meaning of life, you feel that people are generally untrustworthy, selfish, and out to get you. If you claim that people can’t be trusted, you will never be able to fully trust yourself. If you claim people are always out to get you, you’re projecting feelings you have within. You believe you never have enough, the Universe mirrors that back to you and you reap a life of resentment.
If you’re a mother of young children and you’re concerned that people judge your parenting, a lot of times it’s because you are stuck in judgement of other people’s parenting yourself; your words are a reflection of what’s within you.
We all know a wounded soul that claims to be a bitch because they assume people think they’re a bitch. In projecting their insecurities, they become what they fear and reap the rewards of burning bridges.
When a child goes to the doctor or the dentist with intense fear of shots, the result is more fear and anxiety which tenses up the physical body and greater pain becomes their reality.
When I take cold showers focused on my breath, the heartbeat, and the blood rushing through my veins, I feel exhilarated, but if I count the seconds as I stand in freezing cold water, it nearly burns my skin and feels unbearable. Catch my drift?

People are mirrors for us, most often the thing that triggers us about others is a reflection of our own internal baggage. This is a gift, because once we realize this, we have the opportunity to go inward and do our own healing.

I spent so much time in resentment and insecurity that I attracted a relationship that was recreated in the same image of the toxicity that I ran from. I witnessed my partner focus so much on lack of money and debt, resulting in more debt and scarcity beliefs. When I get caught in a shit attitude and perspective, that continues to mirror shit right back to me. It all ties together, because without shifting your mindset and the words that come out of your mouth, you will continue to reap negativity, resentment, scarcity, and lack.

What goes around, comes around. What you pour your focus into becomes your reality. This can be a vicious cycle, or if harnessed correctly, this can be your greatest asset! The law of attraction states that we attract exactly what we bring to the table.

This knowledge is a powerful life hack, because once we realize that we reap what we sow and that we are always manifesting our future, we can be mindful and self-aware enough to choose to change our thought patterns, we will be more careful with the way we word things, the entertainment and company we fill our minds with, and we will begin to speak abundance into our lives instead. Whether you realize it or not, if you are living a life you’re unhappy with, it’s because you’ve forgotten that you are creating with every thought and word you speak – and that is a major responsibility, my loves.

The mind is so powerful.

I believe this is why prayer has proven to be so powerful. You are speaking your needs into the Universe and she is responding to the frequency of your vibration. How beautiful.

Thoughts are key and we can retrain them! I’ve learned how important and powerful my words are, and to be mindful of the things I create with my speech. Now, I’m reaping the benefits of more fulfillment, more confidence, self-compassion and body love, sisterhood, uplifting community, and magical abundance in so many areas of my life, because I’ve finally realized that my words are my wand. And this is just the beginning.

I really want to be more focused and present. I’ve slowly turned a corner and I am now learning to soak up all of the beauty in the world around me. This shift has greatly affected my relationship with life as I become more lit up with appreciation, honoring the sacrality of myself and the world around me. I want to face each morning with awe and wonder, I want to honor the sacred earth and its infinite bounty; infinite bounty in the form of water droplets pooled in the cup of a brittle fallen leaf, intricate colonies of mushrooms on a forgotten log in the forest, ripples in a pond from a fallen acorn – extending further and further, the deep resonating vibrations of music that make every cell in my body dance, swirling smoke in a ray of sunshine filtering in through the window, the electricity that shoots through my magnificent body when I touch or taste, having a roof over my head, never going without… There is so much to be in awe of; life is so complex and you, my love – you have so much in your life to be madly in love with, madly grateful for, and wildly happy about. So get vocal and be deeply grateful, and watch the abundance pour in. Don’t fall for the distraction techniques used to keep you numbed to the wonder. Wake up, baby. It’s a magical world over here, step through the portal.

Being open to receive in our daily life is tied to being open to receive from the Universe when we’re trying to manifest the things we want. How do you feel when you’re given a compliment, a gift, or if a friend buys you lunch? Do you get really uncomfortable with it or do you get excited and filled with gratitude? It feels sticky and awkward to try to gift someone that is really bad at receiving. This concept ties into abundance and the law of attraction as well, we want to be open to receive and radiate on the frequencies of receiving – allowing the channels to be open for abundance to be magnetized to you, so get good at receiving! Say thank you when you receive a compliment, don’t get caught up in ego/pride, don’t take the joy away from the gifter by making it weird. Tap into gratitude. Rewire your thoughts and your words, communicate with the Universe that you are open to receive and the Universe will follow through. ❤

Gratitude is the secret sauce for manifesting.

I’ve been really evaluating this in myself lately as I’ve recognized feelings of lack around booking new clients, because I could really use the money. But then I had to catch myself and realize; if I want to be open to receive, I was shooting myself in the foot by operating on the frequencies of lack. So now, I’m trying to practice gratitude for the things I already have and when I speak my manifestations, I speak as if they are already mine. If I say, “I really need to book a paying client,” the Universe says, “Oh she NEEDS a paying client. Go on then, keep NEEDING.” If I shift to this instead, “Oh my gosh, I absolutely love my work, my clients are amazing, I have everything I need, I am so abundant! Soulmate clients are transforming their lives and it’s such an honor to be apart of that!” The Universe responds by giving you everything you claim. Claim the life you want; dream it, think it, feel it, speak it, have it. More on a sexy tip to take your manifestations farther, to come. 😉

Today I paid $500 on my credit card, but I really thought I was going to have $700. Instead of going into scarcity beliefs and feeling miserable that I had $200 less that I was expecting, I needed to tune into thanks that I was capable of dropping $500 on my bills and remember that now I’m $500 further away from my limit, thank goodness! I am so blessed that I could put this money on bills instead of having to spend it on food or the mortgage, because those are already paid for! I am so blessed. I have so much to be thankful for. Thank you, Universe.

“Thank you, more please!”

Be good at receiving in every aspect of your life and watch the Universe continue to bless you. You are magnetic to your desires, they love you as much as you love them. Are you operating on a frequency of lack or abundance? The choice is yours.

Repeat these affirmations with me now:

I AM operating on the frequency of abundance

I love money and money loves me.

Everything I desire, desires me.

I AM always taken care of.

I AM exactly where I am meant to be.

I AM learning, growing, expanding, shifting, and healing.

I AM open to receive love, I radiate love, I AM worthy of love, I AM love.

I am an energetic match for abundance in all areas of my life.

I AM safe, balanced, and in alignment with my highest self.

I AM open to receive.

I AM generous.

I AM a magnet for abundance. Everywhere I go, abundance is drawn to me.

I AM an energetic match to my every desire.

Remember that with more abundance opens more opportunity for you to do more good in this world. Do not demonize abundance. If you would like to unpack any old concepts around money or any conditioning you may have around feelings of unworthiness, please reach out to me! Let’s dive in and talk about your blocks and make a plan to remove them. Let’s kick your transformation in gear, I am now accepting new 1:1 clients.
You are so capable and so, so worthy.

I love you, babes. You’re so powerful, don’t forget.

Oof, the energy this week has been a wild ride so far, am I right?

I have flipped through my journal from the past week and I sound like a crazy person with how much my emotions rise and dip like billowing waves in an angry sea, because my soul is just as deep.
One day I feel solid, like I’ve really made some headway and feel good about the direction things are going in. Then suddenly, I have blurry tear stained words, agonizing over how angry and suppressed I feel – this was followed by a real live explosion that came flooding out of my body in the shape of bitterness and frustration, pent up anger. Later, I was writing gratitude lists for all of the support and love in my life, feeling lighter after my extreme outburst. And the next thing I know, I’m writing about how much I’m yearning to run off to be a lone wolf and solitary witch in the woods; growing my own herb and making friends with the woodland creatures, living in a van by the river.

(Hear me out for a moment – A hand painted van, white twinkle lights hung inside, lace curtains, a cozy bed in the back, a fire with a kettle of hot water for my cacao, freedom, adventure, solitude. Oh my god…heaven, but I digress.)

I used to be so ashamed of my wide range of emotions. I dissociated from them for most of my life under the guise of being cool and laid back. I didn’t understand that it was okay to feel all the things. I knew not to express anger or any of the “negative” emotions. I was raised to be good, be nice, be easy going, be quiet…meek. I developed a cooler than cool mentality, because that was the way I buried my emotions. I have always been highly intuitive and sensitive (Cancer sun/cancer rising much? Yes, hi.) and I was antagonized for “sulking” a lot as a kid. I wasn’t supported through my low points, but was instead shamed for them and treated like an annoyance, “Are you done being a witch?” –> Jesus prefers this replacement for bitch.
It was quite an eye opener for me to realize how this kind of upbringing was so normal – in myself, when I took a step back and realized I also began to invalidate my daughter’s feelings. “Be nice!”, “Control your emotions.” This style of parenting was what I knew, and my parenting has been a work-in-progress towards consciousness as I’ve leaned into holding space, instead of reacting and taking ownership of her feelings. Feelings that are hers to express.

When I left religion as a kid, I remember meeting new people “in the real world” as I tried to build a new support system anywhere I could find one. Shielding any of my new friends from my past was part of my gig, I didn’t think people would accept the outcast girl that I was. I was currently being shunned from everyone I once knew, I was homeschooled for a long time, and severely sheltered my whole life. I felt like a freak…so I pretended I’d always been one of them. Normal. I never spoke of my past and it slowly slipped from my memories.
Play it cool so they won’t know where you’re coming from.
And that’s exactly what I did. Looking back now, I definitely don’t think that was necessary and I probably would have avoided a lot of dangerous situations if I didn’t think I had to play along so hard, but such is life and I am grateful for the experiences that helped shape me into the woman I am today. This is the healing journey.

Repressing emotions and denying our feelings, and in essence – ourselves, is so toxic to our wellbeing. When we bury our heads in the sand, building thick walls around ourselves, acting like we’re too good to acknowledge that we’re not robots, refusing to express our emotions – emotions that are there for a valid reason, they can build up within us until they metastasize into physical diseases or eventually come out like a burning hot volcanic spray of word vomit, and often times – both. For me, repressing my emotions turned into self harm, then anorexia and intense depression that rocked most of my adult life, which then lead to substance abuse and more dissociated behavior, pushing the limits and trying to gain validation through sex, selling myself short and accepting abusive behavior from others until I realized everything needed to be burned down and rebuilt. Do not allow guilt or shame to put you in a bad place when you can honor the journey with self-compassion and love instead.

Mantra: I honor the ebb and flow. The rise and falls that have shaped me into who I am. I’m thankful for the lessons life has taught me. I’m coming full circle to embrace and love myself through all of my emotions and expressions. I am safe to feel and express myself.

awakening Aura

We’re all so multifaceted. The beauty of being human is that we get to explore all the things, all the feelings, all the emotions. We get to have infinite experiences in life that effect and change us greatly as we evolve. We don’t have to choose to be just one genre of human, we live through it all, gleaning depth and experience along the way. This journey is wild; it’s just as ugly as it is beautiful, but without the pain and sadness, we wouldn’t appreciate the beauty.

I challenge you to honor yourself and your emotions today. Feel everything as deeply as you can right now, dig in deep. Express yourself, be heard, and release it…all the good, the bad, and the ugly. You are so supported and seen as you maneuver whatever your struggle may be. You would be shocked to hear the things your fellow neighbors and peers are going through; we all have a lot of hidden turmoil to weather behind the scenes. I value you and your struggle, as I value my own. I honor the ebb and flow. I honor my humanity, highs and lows included. I do not strive to be a dull shade of grey in between black and white for my entire life. I will not choose to be complacent, non-confrontational, or laid back if I do not feel that way in my heart. I will be every single motherlovin’ shade of grey for all of my days.

I love you.

I am devoted to gratitude. The heart quenching elixir of the Universe. I want to drink it in and bathe in it. When we want to call in more amazing magic and goodness into our lives, gratitude is the key. I know it’s hard not to get wrapped up in negativity or feelings of lack sometimes, but it’s a trap. Let gratitude consume you.

Whether it be the perfect matcha latte in your own kitchen, the extra hour of sleep you got over the weekend, your cat purring happily on your chest as you read a great book, the satisfaction and contentment of building your dream life with your soul-mate, or launching your own business – feeling liberation and freedom. Nothing is too big or too small. Welcome all of the juicy abundance into your heart, fueling your soul.

What beauty surrounds you? Get high on gratitude with me.

In this moment…

I feel at peace, aligned, though we ebb and flow, for now I choose to be present with these high frequencies, those brilliant feel-good vibrations. The angels surround me and support me, breathing abundance into my lungs. I know I can create anything I need. I know I am moving in the right direction. I’m thankful for this moment of clarity and release.

I’m thankful for the courage to express myself, my truth, and for the opportunity to move through the emotions that went along with that truth. For a long time, I hid behind a hard, outer shell; a fear shell, an emotionally unavailable shell, a victim shell. I couldn’t feel anger for many years, I just lived in sadness and expressed it as numbness, allowing it to build into resentment. I’m growing now, learning to express and feel more deeply, and the growth is measurable when I can sit here today feeling more at ease, knowing I weathered another storm and yet here I stand, wiser.

I’m grateful for all of the amazing humans on this planet that are doing their part to be conscious, spreading love and healing like magic in the atmosphere, I can feel them. Casting ego to the side and living with empathy and integrity. I see these souls shining brightly in the world, standing out from all the rest and they make me feel at home. I’m so thankful for community, sisterhood, knowledge, and collaboration. We rise together and it’s beautiful.

I’m thankful to the people that have shown me their true colors; teaching me lessons of self-love, worthiness, and boundaries. I honor these experiences and notice that I am healing. I step into my truth and choose to live with purpose and life. I feel liberated and at ease with myself and others.

I’m thankful for the mountains; they call to me and I am filled with wonder, reminded of the adventure and mystery that is yet to come in my life, yet to be explored. Life is so full of twists and turns and I can’t wait to experience them. I breathe in the forest and am reminded of my wildness, my connection to the earth, the plants, the animals, the moon. And each other.

I’m rushed with gratitude for the many humans I’ve crossed paths with in my life, learning new information and forming new experiences. I’m shifting my perspective and finding hope instead of despair. There is so much beauty to be found in the hearts of those around us, we just get blinded by the darkness and we shield our eyes from the light. Take the blinders off, don’t fixate on scarcity. Fixate on abundance, the choice is yours.

I’m thankful that my toddler napped today, giving me the opportunity to tune into ritual. To ground in, to feel deeply and be present, calling in guidance and inspiration to write what my soul needed to express. To decorate my ears with sound and cleanse the air with smoke. To tune into Spirit and remind myself that I am one with all that I AM.

I’m so honored to be trusted by each and every one of my clients, they amazing me every single day with their immense growth and drive to better their lives. Gifting themselves with love and compassion. I’m so thankful to be a witness to their golden truths and celebrate their wins. These beautiful souls lift up my own, we build each other up and grow together.

I’m so thankful for you. For your support throughout my journey and for your own motivation to do your own growing and expanding. I think you are so capable of anything and worthy of love and affirmation. I see you fully, I love you deeply, and I honor your journey. Thank you for being part of mine. ❤

I am the creator of my own existence. I hold all responsibility for my actions, reactions, and thoughts. My experiences are designed with or without care, I choose which. I am the designer, creator, healer, artist, dancer, officiant, and regulator.

Vision board and a mission, baby! All is as it should be.

I am expanding, I am growing, I am healing, I am building. I AM.

High on gratitude in this moment, soaking it all in, feeling warmed up from the inside out. I’m currently taking a writing workshop and today I’m learning all about publishing. Images of taking my artistic soul-food even further display themselves across my mind as this feeling of “It’s all already mine!!” crept into my heart center. Just rereading that last sentence sends vibrations through my chest. Manifestor energy! <– but more on that later!

Every single thought you have is laying the groundwork for what you perceive and experience in the future. Pause for a moment and reflect on the thoughts that drift in and out of your mind every day, those are only 5% of your total thoughts – as 95% are subconscious.

95%!

Your thoughts become things and your words are your wand. I know I say this all the time, but I don’t foresee that message ever not being important.

If 95% of our thoughts are subconscious, then that means 95% of unchecked thoughts are exactly what is predominantly creating our lives. Designing the things we will have, experience, do, say, and feel. Comprehending this is golden, because once we realized the gravity and the responsibility we must assume ownership of in order to be mindful; we can absolutely create the life we want, and the change we can create with our own mindset is invaluable. Indifference and ego may get in the way, but someday, whether in this life or the next, the time will come when people understand how mindfulness must leak into every area of our lives if we ever want to be truly self-aware and fulfilled.

We spend a lot of time talking about something we want, but often never sit down and make a plan of action. The doubters will say, “You didn’t manifest that, you just did the thing.” That’s fine, but this work goes hand in hand with mindful thoughts, mindful speak, and mindful ACTION. It’s a total recipe. The groundwork is programing your subconscious mind, and the results will be monumental.

I invite you now, to take an introspective look within;
What does your self-talk look like? What does your inner voice sound like?
What kind of things do you allow inside your mind? What thoughts do you allow yourself to have about others? What do you think about humans in general? Do you think the human race is generally good or evil? Now, what have your life experiences been like? Do they reflect your thoughts?
Do you live in lack and beliefs of scarcity? Does your bank account match those beliefs?
Do you hate on others? Do you hate on yourself?
Do you get envious of what other people have, feeding thoughts of lack? Do you feel stagnant and blocked in your life as a result?
Do you feel superior, or secretly think you know all the answers? Are you expanding in diversity, or have you stayed in the same zone for most of your life?

What we communicate with the Universe, we receive.
If I won’t shut up about how tired I am all the time, guess what? My focus is on exhaustion and I will be exhausted.
If I’m always complaining, I will always reap negativity.
If I focus on how much I hate something, all I’m going to do is become poisoned by that hatred. Believe me, I spent a lot of my life feeling resentment inside of my heart towards the past, feeling wounded and unable to let go. I had to redirect my thoughts.
If you demonize money and feel like you’re always broke and cringe every time you check your bank account, you’re sending messages to the Universe that you are stuck in scarcity and the Universe will allow you to stay there until you shift your mindset.
If I am on a strict diet and all I can think about is dessert and how much I hate my belly rolls, guess what? I’m going to obsess until I eat the cake and cry about the jeans that don’t fit me. Now, first and foremost, know where I stand – You deserve to eat the cake (maybe keep it to one piece instead of the whole thing, but who hasn’t been there lol), but your body also deserves for you to not punish her and diminish her, calling her names and belittling her every imperfection. Shift the perspective; instead of looking in the mirror and saying unkind things to yourself; hold her, tell your body that you love her, that you’re thankful for her, that she is healthy and capable. She will become healthier and more capable as you feed your soul with nurturing self-talk, because nurturing self-talk begins to reprogram the subconscious mind. As your perspective begins to shift, your habits will as well. You won’t feel the intense need to binge as a salve for how unhappy you are, you will gain pride from nurturing your body physically because you’ve started to nurture her mentally.

You get the point. Thoughts become things and this can be applied to every single area of your life.

I heard “Manifest Your Reality” for a long time before I ever actually took it seriously. It was something I could spout out to my 5-year-old, at the time, whenever she’d cop an attitude. I was communicating real wisdom and truth to her, but I didn’t see it fully myself. I still had a filter on, I wasn’t seeing the full potential, I wasn’t grasping the depth…

Because I wasn’t ready yet.

This filter that society and organized religion has placed over our eyes is SO POWERFUL. I get it, I feel it, I’ve fallen victim to it time and time again, but what you see at face value is never all there is. The depth we can reach within to see things from different slants is so amazing to me, because it shows how expansive the mind truly is. Dig deeper, there is always more below the surface to something than we may expect.

My great gramma used to say, “Cast your bread upon the waters and it will return to you.” She was a saint of a woman, a loving Christian I believe the real Mary Magdalene would have been proud of. I can write these words now with no animosity, despite my wounded Christian background, because I can see there is so much wisdom rooted in all religions and teachings, all different interpretations of the innate wisdom we hold within us. When I was a girl, I remember hearing my mother lovingly talk about my gramma, and how this phrase referred to generosity, but what would happen if we turned this generosity inwards and began to fuel our bodies with love? Anything you can imagine! –> Beyonce didn’t become Beyonce without a lot of positive self-talk and action, the same goes for you and me. Put in the work, reprogram your subconscious mind.

What you put out; you get back. What you invest in, returns. What you nurture, grows. And the same can be said for the opposite. If I’m not feeling loved, my love withers and I lose the energy to nurture where I’m not being nurtured in return. I remember my dad saying if two dogs get in a fight the one you feed is the one that wins, and such is the mind.

If you want to reprogram your subconscious mind; stalk your brain, pay attention, and redirect your thoughts towards success, goals, compassion, nurturing self-talk, and reprogram your thoughts with mindful redirection, I AM’s, affirmations, awareness, love, intentional living…you can do it.

If I can, you can. Together we rise.

What do you intuitively already know? What do you have the capacity for? Do you take the time to tune into your body and ask what it is trying to tell you? This was such a foreign concept to me when I began this journey. “What is your body telling you,” seemed like a hollow thing people were saying and I didn’t understand it. Again, I had my blinders on. I needed to slow down and get in touch with my body and develop an understanding of her that I hadn’t allowed myself to do before. I had to check in and feel what I was feeling on a cellular level. The world we live in has become so loud, busy, and flashy; we’ve become so disconnected from ourselves. When I learned how to tune into my body – a concept that I will always continue to hone in on for the rest of my life – going with the flow in certain areas became unbearable to me, because I was no longer desensitized to things that weren’t serving me. When my body would physically tense up, I knew something was off. It’s taken a lot of love and communication with myself to differentiate between anxiety and intuition. In a world where we are told we can’t trust ourselves (our intuitive gifts), all we’re left with is anxiety and it takes a lot of work to fine tune that understanding and cultivate trust within your body again. I have apologized and heard women apologize for their gut feelings and thoughts a million times over. How do we learn to stop dismissing our gifts? We must deconstruct all of the limiting beliefs that hold us back. Don’t diminish yourself or apologize for the way you feel, don’t minimize yourself the way other people have minimized you all your life. Do not assume ownership of someone else’s projections of insecurity and fear when they try to take you down with them. Have your own back. You deserve to trust yourself; you deserve to listen to your body and discover what the hell that even means. ❤

I AM’s help us to reframe and reprogram the subconscious mind. I AM’s help us rebuild. Here are a few I AM’s to help you redirect your mindset. Try these whenever you think of it; in the car, in the shower, while washing dishes, on your morning run, it doesn’t matter. Sneak them in any chance you can and create your own as well. These are simply a few of my regulars:

I AM open to receive. – Guidance, abundance, blessings, healing, personal growth, love, self-love, money, happiness. Never turn down a gift. When we deny the offers of others, we are communicating with the Universe that we are not open to receive, creating lack. If you want abundance in your life, call it in and level it up with immense gratitude.

I AM enough. I AM worthy. I AM whole. – I know having a romantic partner to complete us has been totally romanticized, as is doubting ourselves, looking outside of ourselves for validation, or religious shame that has been perpetuated to make you think you need an outside source to save you from yourself, but you have been taught to feel this way by a paradigm that was not formed in your best interest. You are enough, you are divinity in form, you are raw magic. Don’t let any false beliefs, that don’t even truly belong to you, rule your mindset. You complete yourself, you are trustworthy, and once we realize this as a whole, there will be much less broken people flinging their damage all over the place furthering even more damage. Instead, we might show up whole and complete with healthy mindsets of what we deserve, how we deserve to be treated, and how others deserve to be treated by us. We will operate with love, understanding, compassion, and empathy instead of judgement and resentment or martyr syndrome.

I AM healing. I AM safe. – We all have healing to do from past traumas and experiences and no one’s pain invalidates your own. Program your subconscious mind to release resentment and bitterness towards anyone that has hurt you in the past, so you can move forward. This is not about anyone else but you. You live in your head, no one else. This is your story, your experience, your life – reclaim it!

I AM ever-evolving and expanding. – This is one of my favorites. I fell into atheism for a while in my late teens/early 20’s. Abandonment and bitterness led me into a radical pendulum swing from religion and chased me into the arms of atheism. Quite literally, I found myself eloping with a stranger on a Monday afternoon, he was an atheist and while I had been so used to looking outside of myself for answers from my religious upbringing, I carried that right into this relationship. I adopted arrogance in atheism, I assumed my partner’s beliefs as my own, and I closed my mind off entirely to everything. Close mindedness is a slippery slope, because once we assume we know everything, our learning completely halts. Now, in my 30’s, I strive to be a learner for the rest of my days. I’ll probably still be layering on new certifications in my 90’s and I wouldn’t have it any other way, because I adore learning. The deeper I go, the more my mind is blown by new facets I have yet to explore. Feed your yearning for exploration in knowledge just as much as in traveling the world!

I AM mindful and self-aware. – This really ties in to the latter. Personal development and awakening is deep integration of the new things we’re learning. Self-awareness has everything to do with this, because dissecting our behaviours and our WHY’s helps us understand how to better move forward. Do your shadow work; own every aspect of yourself, shift the things that need attention and sharpen your awareness.
The other night we were saying goodnight to my oldest daughter. We have a secret handshake that we do every single night (I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom 😉), but it’s easy to get caught up and feel impatient at times when you’re tired and ready to enjoy your kid-free time at night, am I right? She was stalling and playing around, so my partner got fed up and walked out with a short, “My time is valuable. Goodnight.” I started to explain to her that she needs to be self-aware of wasting people’s time and yadda yadda, when I realized something key. She needed that attention, she was stalling and playing around, because we’ve been crazy busy and haven’t been as attentive as she needed us to be. I needed to be self-aware here, not her. She was communicating her needs clearly, kids always do, because they don’t have the filters or layers of conditioning piled on yet. My partner came back and they hugged it out and she went to bed on a good note. Kids are so open and forgiving.
I choose to do better, even if it means waking up at 4am to knock out my work ahead of time so I can be more present. I must do whatever it takes to improve. Getting up at 4am most certainly is NOT my norm, but I did it today and I feel really proud of it, lol.

Keep up the good work, my loves. You are growing, expanding, and ever-changing. You are reprogramming your subconscious mind.

I love you.