Growing up in the 90’s and 2000’s, I was always holding myself to the standards of Monica and Rachel from Friends. Not to mention, all of my friends were smaller than me and I was always caught in comparison. I grew up thinking rail thin was the ideal and I strived to accomplish that ideal through years of disordered eating. My first boyfriend glamorized feeling my hip bones as an armrest once I started starving myself and it was all history from there on out. I would look in the mirror and suck in my stomach to see my entire ribcage, cringing over how fat I was.

This is where I reach back in my memories and lovingly hold that wounded young girl and say, “Child, it’s okay to love yourself. You’re beautiful and you don’t have to be like everyone else to be worthy of happiness or self love. You’re not defined by anyone else but your own joy. You’re gonna really love those hips you’ve got one day.”

I find it interesting looking back on that now, because I notice the type of women that I’m attracted to today and they’re all women with a similar body type to my own, which is totally ironic, because every now and then I still find my mind attempting to repeat patterns by telling myself that model thin is still the ideal.

Girl, bye. All bodies are fire.

This entire post is inspired by a quick IG scroll and some very thin legs that made my mind go, “I wish my legs looked like that.” I’m all lower half; I’m a curvy girl with thick legs and hips for days. Immediately I thought, why did I just think that? I’m personally attracted to curves and softness, why do I forget and still fall into old patterns of comparison? I’d never want any woman to feel less than for simply being different than someone else. Chocolate cake and cherry pie are both delish and one is not more acceptable than the other, they’re simply different. Just like a woman in a 00 is no more superior to a full figured woman in a size 20, or vice versa. All are exquisite in their own forms. While I get mad that I rubbed the thighs out of yet another pair of leggings, someone else is wishing they could fill out their jeans in the first place. We all have different body image struggles, but what if we shifted this perspective and started gassing ourselves and each other up instead?

Baby girl, be kind to yourself. We all struggle, but why? Who taught us to compare? Personally, I think without patriarchy, we’d probably be a lot more accepting and loving to ourselves, because we never would have grown up thinking we were simply eye candy for men, but I digress… I think this is why lesbians are so damn powerful, they don’t apologize for their natural bodies as much, because they don’t play by the same rules and I ADORE THAT.

Our bodies are not apologies and I hate that sometimes I feel guilty for existing as the “wrong thing” but this is part of the growing process, the healing journey home to SELF, and the growth mindset work I’ve been doing.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the concept that one body type is ideal over any other is simply absurd. Just because we’ve all been told what to think doesn’t mean we have to obey!👈

“OBEY.”🤢

Love handles are sexy af, soft bellies are my favorite, your thin long legs for days are amazing and you look like a statue, and that juicy ass is everything. We all have stretch marks and cellulite no matter how big or how small, we all have insecurities, and we’re ALL bangin’.🔥

I love that you’re a real live human being.

I love that I am too.

Just a little reminder.🥰

///// I challenge you to comment something underground that you love about yourself or others. I’m not talking mainstream thinking of giant tits and lips, though who doesn’t love those! I’m talking the real.

I’m a fan of love handles on the hips. They didn’t get their name on accident. 😉

Trigger Warning: Self harm, suicide, abuse.

I didn’t expect the feelings I felt as I watched this old tattoo on my wrist disappear…

I felt a little choked up.

I felt a little freedom.

Release.

I felt ready to move forward.

I also felt sad as old memories flooded me, I found myself reaching back to comfort those past versions of myself as they crumbled in my memories, each in such different phases of life.

“Thank you for getting me here. We’re good. We made it through. We’re so strong. I love you.”

On the surface, this was just one of my earliest tattoos that wasn’t very good, the French lettering was spelled wrong, but the intention of the original tattoo was, “Let Go.”

Before I got this tattoo, a phone call interrupted one of my self harm sessions. I was sitting on the floor flirting with the idea of going deeper.

So tired of pretending.

So tired of shape shifting.

I felt so caged.

I was born and raised to be fearful and my fear of death held me in check. This practice helped me find a release in a world where I had to keep every natural thing about myself on lock, unless they were considered “acceptable” behavior or “proper” feelings.

– Shut it down unless it’s nice –

We’ve all felt this.

When that call came through, I received the news that my friend had felt the same, only he escaped this life. After he passed away, I vowed to myself to stop self harming. I got this tattoo and kept that promise to myself for several years…

During the worst year of my life, I found myself sitting on the floor in the kitchen. Hardly able to see through blurry tears, holding a shard of glass from my broken coffee pot after it had been smashed. I felt empty, hopeless, and like I could never recover or reclaim my life as my own. I felt entirely out of control, I felt owned by an abusive partner. I started to dig the glass into my wrist and push deeper when Ava’s face popped into my mind. Things were always the worst whenever she was away at her dad’s. “Thank goodness.” I contemplated that she would be safe and taken care of and I kept pushing and slashing the glass deeper still; scaring my tattoo and breaking my early promise to myself. This broken promise was interrupted by accusations that I was just being dramatic and mockery for, “doing it wrong.”

When I look back at the girl, lost and alone on both occasions; I remember her hopelessness, I feel her pain, and I remember what it felt like to be powerless.

I do not feel powerless today. I do not feel caged, I feel free.

I feel liberated by the closing of that chapter in my life. I know who I am, where I’m going, and who’s on my team. Every struggle is a metamorphosis for something.

And I’m starting to realize that I can fucking fly.

So can you.

You are writing your own story, if you’re not happy with the way things are, how can you change it? What needs to be burned to the ground? What quenches your thirst for life? What feeds your soul? Get clear on the things that drain you and the things that save you. You’re not here to people please and be nice all the time. We’ve all had to simply survive at one point or the other; but we can build, we can heal, we can elevate, and we can grow.

Grow with me. If you’d like to dive deeper, contact me! I have 1:1 coaching client spaces available, as well as my soul sister workshop; Vintage Wild Soul, a causal place to find and create epic support within a safe space.

I love you so much.

I want to speak to the hearts of those that crave to be seen and heard. I want to embrace the women that feel lost, empty, broken, and alone.

Because I feel that.
I’m her.
I have been her for my entire life.

This journey back home to myself is never ending. I heal, dig up old patterns, heal some more, revisit traumas, heal again, layer, after layer, after layer… I don’t speak eloquently like all of the other coaches and mentors. I don’t have the woke lingo down pat. I don’t always have the perfect words to spin into art to ease your aching spirit, but I love you with all of my heart and soul.

I see you. I feel you. I am you.

My intention is set. My motives are raw. I have been so broken, so lost, so far away from my true self at times that I understand what it’s like, I understand how it hurts. I have spent most of my life in self betrayal, trying to fit the molds created for other people, other bodies, other genders, other roles that were never meant for me. I’ve changed myself so many times through the years to gain approval. Trying to form fit into religions, relationships, friendships, jobs…just to be the “right” thing.

Enough.

I know how much it hurts to always give yourself away. To hand the reigns of your life over to others that don’t deserve to drive, or even know what’s best. Only I know that. Only YOU know that. We are the drivers of our lives, take back the control. Yes, we may lose some approval along the way, but nothing is more fulfilling than finding the approval of SELF.

Release the judgement towards yourself. Aura, are you listening? Release the judgement towards yourself. Life is full of ebbs and flows; we rise, we fall, we bloom in the spring, we go inward in the fall. This is our cyclical nature, be kind to yourself. We can’t run at max speed 100% of the time, we’re not wired that way. Go inward when getting the message loud and clear to do so. When wounded, go treat the infection. When feeling depleted, seek nourishment. When running ragged, take care of YOU.


This is what the journey back home to my true self looks like. It’s not all palo santo and clicking away at the keys of my computer as I write self-proclaimed philosophical musings, it’s not recording guided meditations, or doing yoga and clean eating. Sometimes it’s waking up feeling low, feeling insecure, not good enough. Sometimes it means getting to the nitty gritty, facing all the shit I try to hide from the world, facing my failures and then realizing that those feelings of defeat aren’t even failures at all, but leveling up opportunities. Take something from every stumble, learn from the pitfalls, be humble and continue building.


Today I choose to release the judgement. I choose to love myself even if I accomplish nothing and eat 4 churro cheesecake bars, even after the whole day passes and I haven’t spent any of my time in meditation, even when I feel bad for not responding to emails because I’m feeling depressed. I am human. I don’t only feel the light and fluffy emotions. I feel it all.

Today I choose not to be sorry for being human and I hope you can do the same, because we’re all in this together.


I love you.

Picture this. Your car’s been broken into for the third time this year, you work an unrewarding job that you hate and you believe that hustle and grind is the meaning of life, you feel that people are generally untrustworthy, selfish, and out to get you. If you claim that people can’t be trusted, you will never be able to fully trust yourself. If you claim people are always out to get you, you’re projecting feelings you have within. You believe you never have enough, the Universe mirrors that back to you and you reap a life of resentment.
If you’re a mother of young children and you’re concerned that people judge your parenting, a lot of times it’s because you are stuck in judgement of other people’s parenting yourself; your words are a reflection of what’s within you.
We all know a wounded soul that claims to be a bitch because they assume people think they’re a bitch. In projecting their insecurities, they become what they fear and reap the rewards of burning bridges.
When a child goes to the doctor or the dentist with intense fear of shots, the result is more fear and anxiety which tenses up the physical body and greater pain becomes their reality.
When I take cold showers focused on my breath, the heartbeat, and the blood rushing through my veins, I feel exhilarated, but if I count the seconds as I stand in freezing cold water, it nearly burns my skin and feels unbearable. Catch my drift?

People are mirrors for us, most often the thing that triggers us about others is a reflection of our own internal baggage. This is a gift, because once we realize this, we have the opportunity to go inward and do our own healing.

I spent so much time in resentment and insecurity that I attracted a relationship that was recreated in the same image of the toxicity that I ran from. I witnessed my partner focus so much on lack of money and debt, resulting in more debt and scarcity beliefs. When I get caught in a shit attitude and perspective, that continues to mirror shit right back to me. It all ties together, because without shifting your mindset and the words that come out of your mouth, you will continue to reap negativity, resentment, scarcity, and lack.

What goes around, comes around. What you pour your focus into becomes your reality. This can be a vicious cycle, or if harnessed correctly, this can be your greatest asset! The law of attraction states that we attract exactly what we bring to the table.

This knowledge is a powerful life hack, because once we realize that we reap what we sow and that we are always manifesting our future, we can be mindful and self-aware enough to choose to change our thought patterns, we will be more careful with the way we word things, the entertainment and company we fill our minds with, and we will begin to speak abundance into our lives instead. Whether you realize it or not, if you are living a life you’re unhappy with, it’s because you’ve forgotten that you are creating with every thought and word you speak – and that is a major responsibility, my loves.

The mind is so powerful.

I believe this is why prayer has proven to be so powerful. You are speaking your needs into the Universe and she is responding to the frequency of your vibration. How beautiful.

Thoughts are key and we can retrain them! I’ve learned how important and powerful my words are, and to be mindful of the things I create with my speech. Now, I’m reaping the benefits of more fulfillment, more confidence, self-compassion and body love, sisterhood, uplifting community, and magical abundance in so many areas of my life, because I’ve finally realized that my words are my wand. And this is just the beginning.

I really want to be more focused and present. I’ve slowly turned a corner and I am now learning to soak up all of the beauty in the world around me. This shift has greatly affected my relationship with life as I become more lit up with appreciation, honoring the sacrality of myself and the world around me. I want to face each morning with awe and wonder, I want to honor the sacred earth and its infinite bounty; infinite bounty in the form of water droplets pooled in the cup of a brittle fallen leaf, intricate colonies of mushrooms on a forgotten log in the forest, ripples in a pond from a fallen acorn – extending further and further, the deep resonating vibrations of music that make every cell in my body dance, swirling smoke in a ray of sunshine filtering in through the window, the electricity that shoots through my magnificent body when I touch or taste, having a roof over my head, never going without… There is so much to be in awe of; life is so complex and you, my love – you have so much in your life to be madly in love with, madly grateful for, and wildly happy about. So get vocal and be deeply grateful, and watch the abundance pour in. Don’t fall for the distraction techniques used to keep you numbed to the wonder. Wake up, baby. It’s a magical world over here, step through the portal.

Being open to receive in our daily life is tied to being open to receive from the Universe when we’re trying to manifest the things we want. How do you feel when you’re given a compliment, a gift, or if a friend buys you lunch? Do you get really uncomfortable with it or do you get excited and filled with gratitude? It feels sticky and awkward to try to gift someone that is really bad at receiving. This concept ties into abundance and the law of attraction as well, we want to be open to receive and radiate on the frequencies of receiving – allowing the channels to be open for abundance to be magnetized to you, so get good at receiving! Say thank you when you receive a compliment, don’t get caught up in ego/pride, don’t take the joy away from the gifter by making it weird. Tap into gratitude. Rewire your thoughts and your words, communicate with the Universe that you are open to receive and the Universe will follow through. ❤

Gratitude is the secret sauce for manifesting.

I’ve been really evaluating this in myself lately as I’ve recognized feelings of lack around booking new clients, because I could really use the money. But then I had to catch myself and realize; if I want to be open to receive, I was shooting myself in the foot by operating on the frequencies of lack. So now, I’m trying to practice gratitude for the things I already have and when I speak my manifestations, I speak as if they are already mine. If I say, “I really need to book a paying client,” the Universe says, “Oh she NEEDS a paying client. Go on then, keep NEEDING.” If I shift to this instead, “Oh my gosh, I absolutely love my work, my clients are amazing, I have everything I need, I am so abundant! Soulmate clients are transforming their lives and it’s such an honor to be apart of that!” The Universe responds by giving you everything you claim. Claim the life you want; dream it, think it, feel it, speak it, have it. More on a sexy tip to take your manifestations farther, to come. 😉

Today I paid $500 on my credit card, but I really thought I was going to have $700. Instead of going into scarcity beliefs and feeling miserable that I had $200 less that I was expecting, I needed to tune into thanks that I was capable of dropping $500 on my bills and remember that now I’m $500 further away from my limit, thank goodness! I am so blessed that I could put this money on bills instead of having to spend it on food or the mortgage, because those are already paid for! I am so blessed. I have so much to be thankful for. Thank you, Universe.

“Thank you, more please!”

Be good at receiving in every aspect of your life and watch the Universe continue to bless you. You are magnetic to your desires, they love you as much as you love them. Are you operating on a frequency of lack or abundance? The choice is yours.

Repeat these affirmations with me now:

I AM operating on the frequency of abundance

I love money and money loves me.

Everything I desire, desires me.

I AM always taken care of.

I AM exactly where I am meant to be.

I AM learning, growing, expanding, shifting, and healing.

I AM open to receive love, I radiate love, I AM worthy of love, I AM love.

I am an energetic match for abundance in all areas of my life.

I AM safe, balanced, and in alignment with my highest self.

I AM open to receive.

I AM generous.

I AM a magnet for abundance. Everywhere I go, abundance is drawn to me.

I AM an energetic match to my every desire.

Remember that with more abundance opens more opportunity for you to do more good in this world. Do not demonize abundance. If you would like to unpack any old concepts around money or any conditioning you may have around feelings of unworthiness, please reach out to me! Let’s dive in and talk about your blocks and make a plan to remove them. Let’s kick your transformation in gear, I am now accepting new 1:1 clients.
You are so capable and so, so worthy.

I love you, babes. You’re so powerful, don’t forget.

Carving pumpkins is one of my favorite Halloween traditions. A festive art project. This year I decided to go in without a plan and to carve intuitively and the result was the Devine Feminine; rising from the flames. A goddess rising – as a Phoenix rises from the ashes.

This is the perfect representation of the feminine in today’s society. We are witnessing a mass sorting, as a collective many of us are waking up to our power. We’re discovering how messed up things have been for a long time. Witnessing the growth in myself as I watch old tv shows or movies, because old paradigms are being rewired in my mind. Change is in the air and I invite you to question the norms you’re presented with every day.

I am no longer driven by fear, I no longer fall to the lies that we should play small or diminish our greatness to appease people stuck in comparison, habits of self hate, or control. Society has been poisoned by patriarchy. A construct to control and divide, an unnatural hierarchy that was never intended. We are blessed with diversity and connection, yet white patriarchal mindsets have tried so hard to diminish our gifts, our intuition, our wisdom. Narcissists have told us we can’t trust our intuition and we have believed them for far too long.

I am the Devine Femme.

I am in my power.

I am in control of the direction my life takes,

I am the driver.

I am the creator.

I am coming from a place of victimization, wounds, hurts, limiting beliefs, and fear, but I am no longer defined by these things.

I no longer choose to abide by societal rules or fear mongering.

I will not betray my body or tear Her down.

I will not pretend to be weak or unhappy when I am strong and fierce in my power, my magic, my manifestations, my biz, my love for myself and those around me, I am a warrior woman with a desire to live authentically wild and free.

I am the wolf that howls at the moon.

I am a wild horse running free.

I am a wild cat in the mountains.

I know exactly who I am. I was incarnated to create, to speak, to sing, to scream. I am a wild force to be reckoned with and I will not apologize. I raise fierce daughters who will not fall for your tricks or your lies. My sisterhood is strong and unbreakable, we rally up behind one another and raise each other up as we thrive, achieve, win, and build. We celebrate each other’s wins, we hustle and we rest and one is no more acceptable than the other.

We are one, we collaborate, we don’t fall for the sisterhood wound, we do not play those games.

We channel goddess energy, priestess energy – my queens.

I honor my sacred body, I am not ashamed of my sensuality, it is my super power. I will not fall to the concepts that have demonized and diminished my magic to something so frivolous and surface level when I run deep, deep, deeper… No one holds ownership of my curves or my softness. I am sovereign.

I honor me.

I honor you.

I honor growth.

I honor healing.

I honor connection.

I honor feminine radiance.

I am the Phoenix. So are you, sister.

Rise with me.

Hi, my name is Aura Lillian Joan and my sacral chakra is out of balance.

I have difficulty playing.

Sometimes I have a hard time experiencing pleasure and it’s something I’m really working on right now.

And sometimes I struggle with slowing down and being present.

The sacral chakra is your pleasure center; creativity and play, sensuality and beauty reside here. I’ve realized my sacral has been majorly out of balance for a long time. I forgot how to play, I felt insecure and sat on the side lines for such a long time. I struggled with relaxing so much that I couldn’t dance in the kitchen or jump in the pool with my kids. I was so overwhelmed with the concept that I had to be adult, perfect, polished, and composed at all times that I squashed my pleasure center like a bug and my sacral was denied and eventually baby stepped my way to shut down entirely.

I’ve come a long way this year. I feel more loving towards myself now than I ever have before, I feel more ME, more at ease, sexier – even with these love handles. Shit, especially with these love handles😏, but there is still much work to be done!

2020 has been my year of survival and growth, and it hasn’t always been pretty.

I have learned that many times our physical ailments are tied to spiritual misalignments. I denied my sexuality for my whole life, I forgot how to enjoy myself, I tried to be something I wasn’t, I cringed at the thought of being who I actually am. I have endometriosis, I struggled with infertility for many years, I held onto extra weight, wrestled with depression and forgot myself time and time again.

I’m realizing now that if I balance my sacral and focus on spending more time in pleasure and creation, some of these ailments will realign in my life and things will get better. Part of this really starts with self acceptance, no more denial. No more cringing when I call myself a lesbian, no more turning off my pleasure center because being a woman in my sexual power makes things awkward at home with my male partner. No more hiding in fear, no more insecurity.

Ownership and love reside here now.

Last night I sent a text to my partner that said, “We’re having a Halloween party as a family when I get home.” I turned on a Monster Mash Halloween playlist on Spotify when I parked the car in the driveway, stuffed my phone in my pocket and walked in the house with music blaring, candy, costumes, and pizza. Ava and I threw a plastic table cloth on the kitchen table, I dumped three bags of candy in the middle of the table, and we dug out the pumpkin carving tools. Jamming to Halloween music with my belly dancing jingle jangles on my hips, we danced, we laughed, we created a memory.

This is the medicine I need. The medicine we all need. Presence, fun, laughter, pleasure.

Tonight I plan on a self love bath with rose quarts, Epsom salts, my rose quartz yoni egg, and candles. Tuning into myself. Followed by a sacred circle and ritual with my sisters to honor my ancestors on Samhain with this glorious full moon in Taurus.

How are you bringing play, pleasure, and creativity into your life today? What lights you up?

I strive to love myself as deeply and wholly as I love everyone else and I hope you do too. Here’s to pleasure and play and a balanced sacral chakra.

I love you to the full moon and back, my loves.

A year ago, I stood amidst boxes and paint cans in my bare office and wrote furiously as tears blurred my vision. I was tired, I was lonely, I felt empty, broken, unsteady, and unsure of who I even was. I was completely disconnected from myself, plugged into a source outside of myself. I didn’t want to feel this pain anymore, the responsibility was too much with too little reward.

This was a huge turning point for me, because this is when I realized that I’d been looking at everything in my life through a filter. Once the rose-colored glasses came off, I could be more objective and see that my life was in need of a total demolition and overhaul. Part of this overhaul was finding purpose, which I found in coaching – the heart and soul-led profession that I had been doing my entire life, without even knowing there was a label and entire industry out there that defined my heart’s yearning to help nurture and cultivate others. I immediately turned to journaling and manifested the perfect coaching school into my life.

Fast forward to today, and I’m graduating from Life Coaching school with the amazing Beautiful You Coaching Academy. What an amazing journey this has been.

What are some key points of learning I’ve taken away from the past year?

Detachment and true energetic sovereignty. I am detached from the future or any end result, I surrender to the Universe, to God, to Source, (to whatever you want to call it, because it’s all the same thing) and I know everything will work out because the Universe has my back. I am safe.

People may not like the new you, the healing version of you, the powerful you – release them. Over everything, make sure you like yourself.

More self-compassion and self-love are the keys to happiness. When you love yourself, you invest in yourself, you take care of yourself, you are fully equipped to show up in the world as your best to do the most good.

Ego death. Serve your purpose without your ego getting in the way, speak freely with love, not with pride. If you notice you’re speaking from a place of ego, just stfu. =)

Every trigger you experience is an opportunity to heal something. If you’re feeling triggered, dig into yourself and reflect with intense honesty. People are mirrors.

Genuine confidence and validation within myself. I do not need anyone else to validate my feelings and if someone is in a constant state of minimizing my intuition, bye Felicia.

Mindset matters! What we believe and speak to ourselves and others becomes our truth and experience. Nearly everything I wrote in my journal to manifest into my life in January has come to fruition since! If you want it; write it, speak it, embody it! Law. Everything is energy and frequency; I choose to radiate on high levels and magnetize in all of my desires. It’s all happening! Magic is real!

To be a learner for the rest of my life and come at all things with a beginner’s mind to further my expansion.

Books are literally life expansion packs. People are so amazing and inspiring, with so much wisdom to share. Read more, mindlessly scroll less.

Intentions and words are spells. Abracadabra, honey! Live intentionally, set goals for yourself every day.

Rest is just as important as productivity. Create space to recharge! This is a non-negotiable.

Collaborate, do not get stuck in comparison. Every amazing human you admire raises your frequency with their own. This is why it’s so important to watch the company you keep.

Live as art, beauty. It is your birthright. As my baby business has been evolving, I have gone through many phases as I try to sort out who I am, my niche, what I teach, what’s important to me, and who I want to portray myself as. Turns out I’m an intricate art project with infinite layers; whether I look in the mirror, at my IG, or at my website, there is beauty and art, music, and love to be found everywhere. I live to create and I am the creator of my own happiness.

Clarity can be found within. Tune into the body, it will never steer you wrong. Learning to listen is an art form that anyone is capable of.

Meditation and nature are my medicine, my soul-food, my fuel.

I’m forever grateful for this journey and knowing that this is only the beginning of my journey is so exciting and awe inspiring. I can’t wait to look back on this day a year from now to witness the changes, leaps and bounds I know are to come. I’m so thankful for every beautiful soul that has stood by my side in one way or the other throughout this journey. I have made life long friends with humans that my heart has been waiting to be reunited with for lifetimes. I see you, loves. I am so amazed by you, and I’m so honored to witness you blossom and accomplish greatness. Together we rise. Your presence in this world makes my heart sing.

I love you so much.

I’m shifting again. -pause for twerk celebration- Stop right now and join in, for science; get the stagnant energy out and get the good vibrations flowing! Feel it move through you, the energy is rising and falling, swirling around in the body. Shake it all up! This is your shakti, your life force energy, your ki, prana, kundalini, whatever you want to call it…it’s in you like a snow globe, shake it!

This is the embodiment that is calling to my soul today. I had another bit of a breakthrough yesterday. An epiphany. I’ve been calling myself a mindset and empowerment coach which umbrellas over so many things, but now I’m feeling called to step into the role of embodiment coach as well. I want to embody the things I teach; I want to dive in so much deeper than before. Come with me.

My soul has been receiving a loud and clear call from my inner wild woman and for a while, I thought that was just a yearning for freedom and adventure, but what if we learned that we could tap into freedom and wildness within?

Hey Aura, you can fulfill this primal need within you. Stop feeling so restless. Tap into gratitude, okay? You’ve been a hermit in the mountains for long enough.

I’m experiencing a layer of ego death. While driving in the car with Ava last night, I talked about losing friends and how we are witnessing a “sorting” happening in history right now. Those that are awake and those that are asleep. One side stays in stagnation, repeating old patterns, getting wrapped up in negativity, limited beliefs and perspectives, and the other side twerks their butt off. Jk, but only a little.

I have realized that my journey is super strange if you’re on the outside looking in and I’ve also realized that I’m so comfortable with that, because my shift is literally not even about me at all. I have noticed that some people in my life are pulling back and that it’s surprisingly feeling so easy and comfortable for me to let those go, because what is meant for you cannot pass you and sometimes releasing old relationships that no longer serve your personal growth and vibration is a blessing. Drop the dead weight. I do not mean this in any way to sound callous, but if you are surrounding yourself with people that don’t vibe on your level, they are affecting your energetic field in one way or the other – they either uplift you or bring you down. I have spent my whole life trying to elevate people that were draining me of all my energy, now I’m patching up the leaks. I choose to grow and to surround myself with people that are also striving towards that growth mindset, and building this community my heart has always yearned for is like breathing fresh crisp air in the mountains for the first time.

A friend once told me how she was tired of getting to know people better, because it was always such a letdown. This is sad, but I totally feel it. I experienced a situation where I was feeling incredibly suspicious about someone; I easily tune into peoples’ intentions and emotional levels, so it’s easy for me to get a read on people. For a long time I diminished my own knowing, but now I unapologetically lean into it stronger than ever before. This is a blessing and a curse, because if I really want to jive with someone, I feel disappointed when I discover they’re not exactly who they appear to be, as none of us likely are at times – we’re all messy in our own ways. But then I realized that person was a mirror; I was feeling like they were fake, because I had been living under a façade my whole life in one way or the other. I was triggered by their ego, because my ego was still in full effect! I wanted credit for my growth, I wanted credit for how woke I was (lmao, I know), I disassociated from the fact that I craved to be the best, the most beautiful, the most talented, the most hospitable, the nicest, the coolest. Jeez, just writing that makes my stomach flip because that is so skeevy…yet so human. I was annoyed by how much this person would show up gunning for glory, because I was silently doing the exact same damn thing. I realized they were that way because of their own traumas and past, much like my own. They were trying to fake it ‘til they made it, just like I used to do for so long. I had a giant gapping hole in my heart and I was trying to fill it with outside validation, because I hadn’t learned how to complete myself yet.
The ego must die. It is in no way my place to judge someone else on their own journey, because it has nothing to do with me, and we are all equally flawed and have room for growth always. I appreciate the lesson I learned from that experience and I wish that person so much peace, love, and fulfillment – from a distance. It’s okay to distance yourself from people that don’t help you grow. Your energetic field is real and it’s your right to protect it. Love them from a distance if that serves you.

Here’s the thing. It’s so easy to sit in our homes, judging the heck out of everyone else, but for what? When my toddler starts being the little wild baby that she is, I notice the judgement that may be sent my way and I deflect it right back to where it belongs, because that has nothing to do with me or my wild child and I know my parenting cannot be summed up in a 2 minute observation, lol. I have nothing to prove to anyone and I do not vie for approval anymore. It’s so freeing. It’s also an ebb and flow, some days I may feel solid and grounded AF, while other days I realize I’m human AF and need to release the resentment and defensiveness that comes up in my body, allowing it to move through me. I cannot express this enough, when the feelings arise, move and release them fully. Don’t allow those feelings to take control or bring you down long term. You’re in control, my love.

The evolution of self is such a beautiful thing. May we never look back on our lives and see that our views and thought processes have remained the same.

May we never look back on our lives and see that our views and thought processes have remained the same.

May we never look back on our lives and see that our views and thought processes have remained the same.

To some, I may look like a hippie dippie girl in the burbs, lost in the woo woo, and in her own little world. But the truth of the matter is, I’m found in the vastness of consciousness and possibility. I do not question my intuition anymore, it is stronger than ever and I will always follow and believe it over anything else. Finally. Finally, I’ve learned how to trust myself and recognize my own power, as we all can if we allow ourselves to surrender to our knowing. When another layer comes up for me to work on and heal, because there is always room to up-level and improve, I will work on that one too.

We’re so multifaceted and in such beautiful, diverse, and amazing stages of our lives that are so different from everyone else’s. I needed to realize that I’m an old soul, but not everyone is and that’s normal, beautiful, and perfectly okay. Feeling judgy about being more woke than someone else is truly just as absurd as an adult getting angry at a baby for not understanding English. I want to come at life with a general understanding that we are all in such different places and it’s not my duty to control anything but myself and my own development.

When I consider my inner wild woman, she is uninhibited by the judgment from others she knows have no say over her life. She is sovereign. She discards scarcity, societal programming, religious dogma, and limiting beliefs. My inner wolf howls to the moon and calls to her pack, she does not lose sleep over the opinions of sheep. My wolf is calling to be set free and she calls to those that are like her; to you perhaps.
Join me, reach out, let’s connect, let’s be friends. Let’s talk about the moon, intuition, human design, sex magic, manifestation, witches, priestesses, shamanism, astrology beyond silly horoscopes, aliens, mushrooms, spirits and deities, let’s talk about your heartbreaks, your struggles, your desires, your shadows, let’s go deep. Let’s gather around a fire and howl at the moon.

If you’re my people, you know who you are.

And I love you.

Oof, the energy this week has been a wild ride so far, am I right?

I have flipped through my journal from the past week and I sound like a crazy person with how much my emotions rise and dip like billowing waves in an angry sea, because my soul is just as deep.
One day I feel solid, like I’ve really made some headway and feel good about the direction things are going in. Then suddenly, I have blurry tear stained words, agonizing over how angry and suppressed I feel – this was followed by a real live explosion that came flooding out of my body in the shape of bitterness and frustration, pent up anger. Later, I was writing gratitude lists for all of the support and love in my life, feeling lighter after my extreme outburst. And the next thing I know, I’m writing about how much I’m yearning to run off to be a lone wolf and solitary witch in the woods; growing my own herb and making friends with the woodland creatures, living in a van by the river.

(Hear me out for a moment – A hand painted van, white twinkle lights hung inside, lace curtains, a cozy bed in the back, a fire with a kettle of hot water for my cacao, freedom, adventure, solitude. Oh my god…heaven, but I digress.)

I used to be so ashamed of my wide range of emotions. I dissociated from them for most of my life under the guise of being cool and laid back. I didn’t understand that it was okay to feel all the things. I knew not to express anger or any of the “negative” emotions. I was raised to be good, be nice, be easy going, be quiet…meek. I developed a cooler than cool mentality, because that was the way I buried my emotions. I have always been highly intuitive and sensitive (Cancer sun/cancer rising much? Yes, hi.) and I was antagonized for “sulking” a lot as a kid. I wasn’t supported through my low points, but was instead shamed for them and treated like an annoyance, “Are you done being a witch?” –> Jesus prefers this replacement for bitch.
It was quite an eye opener for me to realize how this kind of upbringing was so normal – in myself, when I took a step back and realized I also began to invalidate my daughter’s feelings. “Be nice!”, “Control your emotions.” This style of parenting was what I knew, and my parenting has been a work-in-progress towards consciousness as I’ve leaned into holding space, instead of reacting and taking ownership of her feelings. Feelings that are hers to express.

When I left religion as a kid, I remember meeting new people “in the real world” as I tried to build a new support system anywhere I could find one. Shielding any of my new friends from my past was part of my gig, I didn’t think people would accept the outcast girl that I was. I was currently being shunned from everyone I once knew, I was homeschooled for a long time, and severely sheltered my whole life. I felt like a freak…so I pretended I’d always been one of them. Normal. I never spoke of my past and it slowly slipped from my memories.
Play it cool so they won’t know where you’re coming from.
And that’s exactly what I did. Looking back now, I definitely don’t think that was necessary and I probably would have avoided a lot of dangerous situations if I didn’t think I had to play along so hard, but such is life and I am grateful for the experiences that helped shape me into the woman I am today. This is the healing journey.

Repressing emotions and denying our feelings, and in essence – ourselves, is so toxic to our wellbeing. When we bury our heads in the sand, building thick walls around ourselves, acting like we’re too good to acknowledge that we’re not robots, refusing to express our emotions – emotions that are there for a valid reason, they can build up within us until they metastasize into physical diseases or eventually come out like a burning hot volcanic spray of word vomit, and often times – both. For me, repressing my emotions turned into self harm, then anorexia and intense depression that rocked most of my adult life, which then lead to substance abuse and more dissociated behavior, pushing the limits and trying to gain validation through sex, selling myself short and accepting abusive behavior from others until I realized everything needed to be burned down and rebuilt. Do not allow guilt or shame to put you in a bad place when you can honor the journey with self-compassion and love instead.

Mantra: I honor the ebb and flow. The rise and falls that have shaped me into who I am. I’m thankful for the lessons life has taught me. I’m coming full circle to embrace and love myself through all of my emotions and expressions. I am safe to feel and express myself.

awakening Aura

We’re all so multifaceted. The beauty of being human is that we get to explore all the things, all the feelings, all the emotions. We get to have infinite experiences in life that effect and change us greatly as we evolve. We don’t have to choose to be just one genre of human, we live through it all, gleaning depth and experience along the way. This journey is wild; it’s just as ugly as it is beautiful, but without the pain and sadness, we wouldn’t appreciate the beauty.

I challenge you to honor yourself and your emotions today. Feel everything as deeply as you can right now, dig in deep. Express yourself, be heard, and release it…all the good, the bad, and the ugly. You are so supported and seen as you maneuver whatever your struggle may be. You would be shocked to hear the things your fellow neighbors and peers are going through; we all have a lot of hidden turmoil to weather behind the scenes. I value you and your struggle, as I value my own. I honor the ebb and flow. I honor my humanity, highs and lows included. I do not strive to be a dull shade of grey in between black and white for my entire life. I will not choose to be complacent, non-confrontational, or laid back if I do not feel that way in my heart. I will be every single motherlovin’ shade of grey for all of my days.

I love you.

I am devoted to gratitude. The heart quenching elixir of the Universe. I want to drink it in and bathe in it. When we want to call in more amazing magic and goodness into our lives, gratitude is the key. I know it’s hard not to get wrapped up in negativity or feelings of lack sometimes, but it’s a trap. Let gratitude consume you.

Whether it be the perfect matcha latte in your own kitchen, the extra hour of sleep you got over the weekend, your cat purring happily on your chest as you read a great book, the satisfaction and contentment of building your dream life with your soul-mate, or launching your own business – feeling liberation and freedom. Nothing is too big or too small. Welcome all of the juicy abundance into your heart, fueling your soul.

What beauty surrounds you? Get high on gratitude with me.

In this moment…

I feel at peace, aligned, though we ebb and flow, for now I choose to be present with these high frequencies, those brilliant feel-good vibrations. The angels surround me and support me, breathing abundance into my lungs. I know I can create anything I need. I know I am moving in the right direction. I’m thankful for this moment of clarity and release.

I’m thankful for the courage to express myself, my truth, and for the opportunity to move through the emotions that went along with that truth. For a long time, I hid behind a hard, outer shell; a fear shell, an emotionally unavailable shell, a victim shell. I couldn’t feel anger for many years, I just lived in sadness and expressed it as numbness, allowing it to build into resentment. I’m growing now, learning to express and feel more deeply, and the growth is measurable when I can sit here today feeling more at ease, knowing I weathered another storm and yet here I stand, wiser.

I’m grateful for all of the amazing humans on this planet that are doing their part to be conscious, spreading love and healing like magic in the atmosphere, I can feel them. Casting ego to the side and living with empathy and integrity. I see these souls shining brightly in the world, standing out from all the rest and they make me feel at home. I’m so thankful for community, sisterhood, knowledge, and collaboration. We rise together and it’s beautiful.

I’m thankful to the people that have shown me their true colors; teaching me lessons of self-love, worthiness, and boundaries. I honor these experiences and notice that I am healing. I step into my truth and choose to live with purpose and life. I feel liberated and at ease with myself and others.

I’m thankful for the mountains; they call to me and I am filled with wonder, reminded of the adventure and mystery that is yet to come in my life, yet to be explored. Life is so full of twists and turns and I can’t wait to experience them. I breathe in the forest and am reminded of my wildness, my connection to the earth, the plants, the animals, the moon. And each other.

I’m rushed with gratitude for the many humans I’ve crossed paths with in my life, learning new information and forming new experiences. I’m shifting my perspective and finding hope instead of despair. There is so much beauty to be found in the hearts of those around us, we just get blinded by the darkness and we shield our eyes from the light. Take the blinders off, don’t fixate on scarcity. Fixate on abundance, the choice is yours.

I’m thankful that my toddler napped today, giving me the opportunity to tune into ritual. To ground in, to feel deeply and be present, calling in guidance and inspiration to write what my soul needed to express. To decorate my ears with sound and cleanse the air with smoke. To tune into Spirit and remind myself that I am one with all that I AM.

I’m so honored to be trusted by each and every one of my clients, they amazing me every single day with their immense growth and drive to better their lives. Gifting themselves with love and compassion. I’m so thankful to be a witness to their golden truths and celebrate their wins. These beautiful souls lift up my own, we build each other up and grow together.

I’m so thankful for you. For your support throughout my journey and for your own motivation to do your own growing and expanding. I think you are so capable of anything and worthy of love and affirmation. I see you fully, I love you deeply, and I honor your journey. Thank you for being part of mine. ❤