Smudging my page.

Settling in

Feeling this vibe as it rises within

Mama’s tired but I’ve been hustlin

Letting it come and letting it go

Trusting myself, I’m in the flow

Asking for miracles every morning

Forgiving the switch ups without warning

I’m growing, evolving, I’m doing my healing

I’m stronger, I’m clearer, I’m down with the feelings

I know what I bring to the table

I’m willing

I’m ready

I’m able

I’m a queen, in my house, on my own

Can’t impress me, I love being alone

Rest periods intertwining with grinding

The Universe makes sure I’m consistently rising

And so it is.✨

I’ve been working on another layer of healing lately. Learning to really practice what I preach and drop into the body. We live in a disconnected society and often spend so much of our time abusing and belittling our bodies instead of bathing them in gratitude and love – and we are programmed to do so from a young age. I remember raising an eyebrow when I first heard this term. I mean, I was aware of meditation, breathing, and checking in to see how my body felt, but I had never gone deeper, not yet.

Now is the season of reclamation. Awaken. Plug into your inner knowing, there is no need to seek answers anywhere but within. You may have spent years buried by the conditioning of your parents, your society, your religion, your relationships, but those layers can be removed and your core, brightest self, is waiting for you patiently. Lovingly.

Drop into the body.

Get quiet. Be still. Feel into your belly, your womb space, your pussy. Remove judgement, focus.

Listen now. Just listen to the stillness.

Be aware of the thoughts that drift in and out of your mind, allowing them to pass by without any attachment.

Ask your body what a yes feels like. Today, a yes felt like a tingling in my womb area, leading down into my yoni, while a no felt like a little tightening in my lower back.

I sat still in meditation; being present in this moment, focusing on my breath.

In. Hold…
And out.

Then I began to

ask.

Yes and no questions. Prodding my soul for answers, asking about timelines, situations, relationships, life…

My body firing answers back and forth within me; the energy danced from point to point as I planted deeper roots into my own truth. When I was finished, I thanked my sacred body for being a channel to my highest self, as I felt a warm feeling of love and gratitude surround her. This energy, this wisdom, this truth – my truth. These gifts are always available to me any time I desire or need them.

This magic is available to you as well, my queens. Your intuition, your love, your emotions are your super power.

All we have to do is slow down. Start with meditation, begin to hone in and be present in your body, tune into your feelings, into your heart. Journal, wrangle the thoughts that are running wild in your mind. Put them on paper, organize your goals, visualize where you want to go, who you want to grow into, what you need to work on, be honest with yourself, embrace your shadows and your light. Where are your energetic leaks? Who makes you feel good? Who makes you feel depleted? Take notice.

Improve, baby. It’s all you.

I love you.

Carving pumpkins is one of my favorite Halloween traditions. A festive art project. This year I decided to go in without a plan and to carve intuitively and the result was the Devine Feminine; rising from the flames. A goddess rising – as a Phoenix rises from the ashes.

This is the perfect representation of the feminine in today’s society. We are witnessing a mass sorting, as a collective many of us are waking up to our power. We’re discovering how messed up things have been for a long time. Witnessing the growth in myself as I watch old tv shows or movies, because old paradigms are being rewired in my mind. Change is in the air and I invite you to question the norms you’re presented with every day.

I am no longer driven by fear, I no longer fall to the lies that we should play small or diminish our greatness to appease people stuck in comparison, habits of self hate, or control. Society has been poisoned by patriarchy. A construct to control and divide, an unnatural hierarchy that was never intended. We are blessed with diversity and connection, yet white patriarchal mindsets have tried so hard to diminish our gifts, our intuition, our wisdom. Narcissists have told us we can’t trust our intuition and we have believed them for far too long.

I am the Devine Femme.

I am in my power.

I am in control of the direction my life takes,

I am the driver.

I am the creator.

I am coming from a place of victimization, wounds, hurts, limiting beliefs, and fear, but I am no longer defined by these things.

I no longer choose to abide by societal rules or fear mongering.

I will not betray my body or tear Her down.

I will not pretend to be weak or unhappy when I am strong and fierce in my power, my magic, my manifestations, my biz, my love for myself and those around me, I am a warrior woman with a desire to live authentically wild and free.

I am the wolf that howls at the moon.

I am a wild horse running free.

I am a wild cat in the mountains.

I know exactly who I am. I was incarnated to create, to speak, to sing, to scream. I am a wild force to be reckoned with and I will not apologize. I raise fierce daughters who will not fall for your tricks or your lies. My sisterhood is strong and unbreakable, we rally up behind one another and raise each other up as we thrive, achieve, win, and build. We celebrate each other’s wins, we hustle and we rest and one is no more acceptable than the other.

We are one, we collaborate, we don’t fall for the sisterhood wound, we do not play those games.

We channel goddess energy, priestess energy – my queens.

I honor my sacred body, I am not ashamed of my sensuality, it is my super power. I will not fall to the concepts that have demonized and diminished my magic to something so frivolous and surface level when I run deep, deep, deeper… No one holds ownership of my curves or my softness. I am sovereign.

I honor me.

I honor you.

I honor growth.

I honor healing.

I honor connection.

I honor feminine radiance.

I am the Phoenix. So are you, sister.

Rise with me.

Hi, my name is Aura Lillian Joan and my sacral chakra is out of balance.

I have difficulty playing.

Sometimes I have a hard time experiencing pleasure and it’s something I’m really working on right now.

And sometimes I struggle with slowing down and being present.

The sacral chakra is your pleasure center; creativity and play, sensuality and beauty reside here. I’ve realized my sacral has been majorly out of balance for a long time. I forgot how to play, I felt insecure and sat on the side lines for such a long time. I struggled with relaxing so much that I couldn’t dance in the kitchen or jump in the pool with my kids. I was so overwhelmed with the concept that I had to be adult, perfect, polished, and composed at all times that I squashed my pleasure center like a bug and my sacral was denied and eventually baby stepped my way to shut down entirely.

I’ve come a long way this year. I feel more loving towards myself now than I ever have before, I feel more ME, more at ease, sexier – even with these love handles. Shit, especially with these love handles😏, but there is still much work to be done!

2020 has been my year of survival and growth, and it hasn’t always been pretty.

I have learned that many times our physical ailments are tied to spiritual misalignments. I denied my sexuality for my whole life, I forgot how to enjoy myself, I tried to be something I wasn’t, I cringed at the thought of being who I actually am. I have endometriosis, I struggled with infertility for many years, I held onto extra weight, wrestled with depression and forgot myself time and time again.

I’m realizing now that if I balance my sacral and focus on spending more time in pleasure and creation, some of these ailments will realign in my life and things will get better. Part of this really starts with self acceptance, no more denial. No more cringing when I call myself a lesbian, no more turning off my pleasure center because being a woman in my sexual power makes things awkward at home with my male partner. No more hiding in fear, no more insecurity.

Ownership and love reside here now.

Last night I sent a text to my partner that said, “We’re having a Halloween party as a family when I get home.” I turned on a Monster Mash Halloween playlist on Spotify when I parked the car in the driveway, stuffed my phone in my pocket and walked in the house with music blaring, candy, costumes, and pizza. Ava and I threw a plastic table cloth on the kitchen table, I dumped three bags of candy in the middle of the table, and we dug out the pumpkin carving tools. Jamming to Halloween music with my belly dancing jingle jangles on my hips, we danced, we laughed, we created a memory.

This is the medicine I need. The medicine we all need. Presence, fun, laughter, pleasure.

Tonight I plan on a self love bath with rose quarts, Epsom salts, my rose quartz yoni egg, and candles. Tuning into myself. Followed by a sacred circle and ritual with my sisters to honor my ancestors on Samhain with this glorious full moon in Taurus.

How are you bringing play, pleasure, and creativity into your life today? What lights you up?

I strive to love myself as deeply and wholly as I love everyone else and I hope you do too. Here’s to pleasure and play and a balanced sacral chakra.

I love you to the full moon and back, my loves.