Self-love in a Self-Depreciating Society

I’m a certified frea…selfie enthusiast. 😏

I believe the assumptions that people only take selfies because they’re either insecure or full of themselves is, to be blunt, absolutely absurd. Let’s completely exterminate this toxic notion, shall we? Because that’s low vibe nonsense and we’re not doing that anymore. If you are triggered by others shining in their own radiance, I invite you to ask yourself why that is. And let me make this clear, I am not saying you must post selfies, do your makeup, or dress a certain way in order to feel empowered and love yourself, I am saying that empowerment looks different to everyone, live and let live, we are all so multi-faceted and unique and that’s the beauty of being human and divine.

Demonizing the notion that loving yourself and living as art is simply to seek outside approval, or else the extreme opposite in the shape of cocky, is so skewed. Why does a woman in her power make everyone so apprehensive? Why does it coax insecure men and woman out from the rocks they live underneath to spew negativity and low vibe energy? I have posted things to social media to receive judgement calls from people I never even speak to, why does my loving view of myself make people so uncomfortable? People have so much pain in their own hearts that they feel the need to break others down or talk badly behind their backs. Instead of slinging mud, do your own healing. You deserve it.

Women are taught to get caught in comparison, to look at each other as competitors, and the wounded masculine fears a woman that loves herself because she is much harder to control; they belittle her and call her insecure, they demonize her any way they can in attempts to knock her down and take her power away. And the worst part; it works more often than not. We shrink, at least I know I did for many years…

Now, I say hell TF no! Not. Any. More.

I’ve wasted enough of my life making myself smaller to ease the minds of people that are run by judgement and insecurities of their own. I send them love and wish them healing. I’m not here for any projections of feelings that don’t even belong to me. I love gassing up my clients, friends, and even strangers on the street; building them up. It feels good for them and it feels good for me.

We are a product of our conditioning. I know men don’t think they fear us, that may be deeper than they’re willing to go right now. When I began my current relationship, my partner would raise all kinds of hell over who I was until I lost all shine, I spent so much time trying not to rock the boat. He knew who I was when he met me, yet once he had me in his grasp and I lived states away from my home, possessiveness and jealousy began to rear their heads; years later, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Fully disconnected. Looking back, I know that’s not what he intended, he had his own trauma to work through, his own conditioning, and his own wounding that made him feel the way he felt and treat me the way he did. I’m not making excuses for him, but we all have so much healing to do. We must proceed with compassion towards the self and others. Witnessing him in his own growth through the years has been remarkable and we grow wiser every day, if we allow ourselves to and work for it.

My background is riddled with vast emotional abuse and it takes a lot to reclaim yourself when you find your mind and body in such a disempowered state. If this sounds like you, I am with you as you work through anxiety and fear. It takes so much willpower to reframe your life and rebuild, learning it’s safe to trust yourself again. I had to come back to center and relearn who I was. Unapologetic selfies are a tiny part of the giant puzzle, as simple as that may sound, but change is created when all of the simple steps accumulate into a lifestyle as you reform your mindset and invest into your mental wellbeing. My Libra moon loves beauty, I live as art all the time. I giggled to myself when I wrote that, because it’s still dark outside as I’ve been up working since 4am; I’m in a robe, rocking bead head, and I’m a hot ass mess, but there is still beauty to be found here and I love stepping into the zone of becoming my own muse. The notion is so sexy to me.

When Amanda mocks me for getting done up, posting selfies, glowing up in my feminine radiance, showing my body shape that I adore, wearing “fancy” clothes (this counts as literally anything besides jeans and a Cabela’s t-shirt), or putting effort into myself (things I may do for my own mental health and well-being); all she appears to feel is her own insecurities, she is caught in comparison, not because I look better than her, I don’t, but because she cannot allow herself to do the same, her mental limitations that she has built around herself holds her back in the shape of judgement and insecurity. We are mirrors for each other. I understand that now, but for a long time, I didn’t. Years ago, I knew an old friend that would post selfies every day; same angle, same expression, and I always had some snarky comment to make about it to my partner. That was a reflection bouncing back to me of how I felt about myself, it had nothing to do with my friend at all. Does Amanda need to feel threatened? Absolutely not! She is golden, beautiful, worthy, and breathtaking in her own way, each of us are so unique. It reminds me of a tulip comparing herself to a daffodil. But we humans are funny sometimes, we get stuck in a rut that we never anticipated falling into in the first place. I wish her love and self-acceptance. Peace.

My first love was always music, I would sing in the kitchen as a child, delighted as my voice bounced off the vaulted ceilings, and I’d tell everyone that asked, “I’m gonna be a singer when I grow up!” As I got older, I turned to photography and expressed my art in that way. Teenage me loved nothing more than slinging my old Minolta over my shoulder and taking a walk through the woods to capture close ups of water droplets on leaves and tree bark. Self-portraits were always exciting, because I never knew what I’d get until I developed my images myself in the dark room. When I got my first little point and shoot digital camera, I loved to capture myself in pictures and I was so proud of this one…

Oh my gosh, I know, right?

I never thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world, in fact, I always disliked my nose, but it was a fun way to express my art and I have always seen beauty in everything, myself included…until I learned I was “supposed” to pick myself apart instead of focusing on the things I loved.

As I got older, I began to catch on that we weren’t supposed to enjoy ourselves, it meant you were arrogant and nothing was uglier than that, right? Humility in my upbringing wasn’t the healthy kind; it was the make-yourself-small kind, the sell-yourself-short kind, the spread-yourself-thin kind… Such is the way so many of us have been raised. This is the old paradigm. We need to deconstruct and rebuild; we need to re-evaluate the concept of confidence and self-love and strip away all negative connotations and judgements. Much of society is living in a deprecated quality of life. Numbness, disconnection, desensitized by years of conditioning that taught us as young girls to hate our bodies, to compare ourselves to photoshopped models, to consume products to make ourselves acceptable, and to gain love and approval through sex. Swapping energetics with anyone and everyone until we are so disconnected from our own bodies that we can’t even decipher what energy is our own and what isn’t. We’ve become numb to the concept of true value and wholesome love, to ourselves and often towards each other as well. I find this especially true in western society; we live fast, with instant gratification everywhere, so much is fake, the love we think is real might turn out to be codependency, we filter our lives to only put the best foot forward, we smile when we want to scream, we water ourselves down and camouflage our uniqueness, even the food we eat is fake. Pitted against each other, ridiculous beauty standards and false body image presets of what we’re supposed to like, strive towards, and be attracted to, on top of assumptions that we should play small, as to not make anyone else too uncomfortable.

But.

We’re witnessing an amazing time in history unfold right now, it’s a mass deconstruction, the great realization, the age of Aquarius; people are shifting and changing, awakening. We’re learning more about the human mind, about energy, and more about our power – ancient wisdom that was lost and forgotten for a while. We’re changing the way we parent our kids; we’re learning how to reparent ourselves. It’s such a beautiful thing to witness the healing on a collective level.

Smash the patriarchy. Trash society’s hold over you. We are not property, objects, or toys to be displayed whenever other people deem it acceptable. We call our own shots now. Revel in your accomplishments, your wins, your beauty, your talents! Demolish the concept that you must put yourself down. Stop apologizing for existing. I see it all the time on social media; mass overshares of negative thoughts. Women post pictures and apologize for their lack of makeup, we feel the need to inform people ahead of time for not looking polished enough, for gaining weight, for being a mess. What if we just…stopped? What if we simply owned it?

A few years ago, I kept a note on my phone where I documented every single mean thought I had about myself. Yes, homes…you heard me. Every. Single. One. Anytime I’d notice some self-hate going on, I’d pull my phone out and write the time, what I was doing, and what the thought was. This sounds insane in the membrane, right?
“10:32 am, I took a picture with the baby and saw my thumb in the corner, so I deleted it because my thumbs are the ugliest, widest, shortest, and most embarrassing things ever.”
“10:35am, I saw my reflection in the toaster. I looked like Peter Griffin.”
“10:36am, I chewed a muffin and spit it in the trash, because I didn’t want to swallow the calories. I’m so fat.”
(more on eating disorders and body dysmorphia to come.)
“10:40am, I was sitting on the floor with the baby and when I stood up, my butt print in the carpet from my ass was SO WIDE!!!”

“10:42, I just spoke to the neighbor about running up the stairs on all fours like an animal, while letting the dogs out. Why am I so fling flang flung awkward?”
LOL. You get the point. These memos were so close together, by the end of the week it was massively eye opening to see how much I was putting myself down. As the days went by, I noticed my entries became further apart; instead of 20 entries in an hour, I had 10, and eventually I had 10 in a week, and eventually I had 10 in a month, and now…I don’t screw around with negative self talk. Sure, I can recognize when my hair is a mess, I still have days where it’s a struggle to love my body, but I don’t dwell or beat myself up and down for being human anymore. I live with more self-compassion and that’s vital, my love. You deserve to speak to yourself the same way you’d speak to your best friend. When my inner mean girl tries to get to me now, I just give that bitch a shutthefuckupcake and move on. =)

Loving yourself is cool. Celebrate yourself. Selfie everyday, you don’t have to share them to social media, but take them for yourself if that feels good to you. Honor your body, love her, hold her with compassion and gratitude. Curb the negative self talk, curb the critical judgements of others, curb the need to be like everyone else and own your magic, whatever that may look like.

Thanks for taking a peek inside my brain.

I love you so much.

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